Happy Father's Day Blake!

Dear Jordan,

Today is your Dad's third Father's Day.  It's hard to believe we've had you for that long.  I wanted to tell you about how great your Dad is.  Soon, you will be able to tell him yourself about all of the things that you love about him.  But let me help you out this year.

Your Dad is extremely special.  He loves Jesus.  He loves to serve and to read God's Word.  He loves to spend time in prayer.  When he is asked by anybody to do anything, he jumps at the chance to do it.  He gives up his Monday nights to lead a Bible Study in a prison.  He meets with guys every couple of weeks to pray and stay accountable to each other.  He goes to Bible Studies at church so he can learn and he spends time reading the Bible every day.  He teaches Sunday School.  He meets with Mr. Larry every Thursday so he can learn from an older, wiser man.  He takes every opportunity he can to learn and grow.  

I would also like you to know how much he loves his family.  He takes care of us by working extremely hard.  He gets up at 4:30 every morning and works fifty hours a week.  He doesn't have to get up so early, but he wants to put his hours in so that he can be home in time spend lots of time with us.  He trusts God to provide through his job and works hard to give God the glory at his job.  He shares his testimony and looks for ways to share deeply about God's Word.  He always stands up for what is true in conversations he has.

At home, he is quick to do the dishes or take out the trash.  He fixes things around the house and enjoys teaching you how to use tools.

Your Dad loves you, Buddy.  He is always willing for a good wrestling session or to ride your little cars all around the house.  He loves to take you to the zoo and play outside with you.  You are wild and he loves it.  He loves reading to you and watching Curious George with you.  He prays and sings with us every night.  He disciplines you when you need it because he wants you to grow up to know Jesus and to follow him. Your Dad doesn't care as much about you being happy and having whatever you want.  He leads by example what it means to be joyful and content with what we have.  And God has given us so much!

I could go on and on about your Dad.  He's pretty great and I love him very much.  I hope you always know that he loves you more than his own life.

Love,
Mom

Precious Images

Psalm 139:13-16 

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 

 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.

The other evening, my sweet sister offered to watch Jordan so Blake and I could go out to eat.  I think it was an under-handed excuse to snuggle with Jordan, eat popcorn, and watch Frozen...but whatever the reason, we are always grateful for a chance to go eat by ourselves.  We love our little man, but meal-time is not exactly relaxing.  I am always excited for a chance to eat without having to share my food!  Not to mention the fact that we can actually talk without the usual interruptions..."Jordan don't throw your spoon" and "Jordan stop climbing over the booth; those people are trying to enjoy their meal and don't need you interfering."

So, we went to Carino's, an Italian restaurant because we had a groupon.  We made the most of the opportunity.  We even had dessert and coffee.  We talked about several different things and enjoyed each other's company.  After nine years of marriage, we have not run out of things to talk about!  We laughed about the food that I inevitably got on my pregnant belly.  We talked about how excited we were to meet baby Marcus and see what he is going to be like.

Then, we laughed about the fact that if we had adopted Ruby, I would be very pregnant with a five month old.  It would definitely be quite the challenge!  I think the first trimester would have turned me into a maniac if I had a newborn on top of that.  But then, we both agreed that it would have been worth it.  You see, just because we have Marcus (and we are EXTREMELY thankful for his little life!), does not mean that we have forgotten about our three babies that we did not get to adopt.  

We also talked about how we wish we could have kept all three...Jake, Millie, and Ruby.  It was a sad moment for us as we reflected on those three sweet babies and how old they would be now.  We talked about how if we could have chosen one, we could not make the choice.  They are all very important to us.  In our hearts, we have five children, even if only two of them are actually ours to parent.  

It's not that I think about them all of the time anymore.  I go several days at a time without thinking about them and I'm sure that time-span will stretch as we get farther away from this season of our life.  We certainly don't dwell on the sadness when it surfaces.  We truly believe that God's plan is greater than we can know that He has His purposes for their lives and for ours.  

Later (when I couldn't sleep because of heart-burn!), I was reflecting on how these three babies can mean so much to us.  And I was thinking about all of my dear friends who have experienced similar losses. Friends who experienced miscarriages and stillbirths.  Loss before life outside the womb even begins.  It's the mystery of parenthood, and I think especially motherhood.  How is it possible to fall in love with someone you have never met?  How is it that without holding a baby, you can feel so attached to it?  How is it that you can never replace a baby who is in heaven with a baby that you get to hold on earth?

I think the answer is in the verses above.  I think the fact that each person (whether they have left the womb or not) is the reason why each little person can mean so much to us.  We believe that God knit together Jordan, Jake, Amelia, Ruby, and Marcus.  He knows everything about each of them.  He knows how many days they will live and how they will live those days.  He knit them together perfectly just the way they are.  As we began to prepare to parent each of them, we loved them because of that value.  We loved them because we knew that God created them unique and we could not wait to see what that uniqueness was.  We couldn't wait to see what they looked like and how they would act.  We gave them names and loved them before they were in our arms.  They each are precious in God's sight and are precious in our sight.

As I said, this is not something we dwell on much anymore.  We are very excited about life with two boys and ready to get this little guy in our arms.  He is our longest wait by about 7 months, so time seems to be crawling!  I am just so thankful for God's loving hand over his life and trust that his days are exactly what God has written for him.

Sulphurin'

Blake grew up in Oklahoma and therefore has A LOT of childhood memories that we can relive with our children as long as we live here in Norman.  One of his favorite places in the world is Sulphur, Oklahoma.  It's a cute little town with a natural springs park in the middle of it.  There is hiking, which we have done before we had kiddos, but Blake's memories mostly involve days of playing in the water.  So, on our way home from Texas on our last trip, we made a stop and Jordan was introduced to the wonderful world of Sulphur!

It was fun before we even made it to the water!

Not sure if this cold water is worth getting into!

Happy Dad and happy kid!

He liked the rocks but the leafy and mossy areas freaked him out!

Down the waterfall

And the real fun...climbing up the waterfall!

It's A....

Boy!  On my parent's first day in the States, we had a little gender reveal party.  My sister Abby did a great job of keeping the secret and making the cake that we could cut into to see if we were having a boy or a girl.  We already had our names picked out and were prepared to reveal them when the cake was cut.  Here are some pictures of our party celebrating are sweet little Marcus Payne!

 Clearly, the crowd was leaning towards girl!

 Jordan almost ruined the surprise.

 Proud Papa of two boys!  Boys rule, girls drool...at least in this house!