He Gives and Takes Away

Most of you probably know that Blake's dad passed away on December 14th. I am writing this post to detail how things happened for your sake, and so I can keep a record of how I saw God working during that very difficult couple of days. (It's really long...sorry!)


Jack was scheduled to get his results of a stress test on Monday the 12th. He checked into the hospital and they began running tests. This part of the story is a little hazy for me because it's based on phone calls I got from Blake who was at the hospital with his mom. Throughout that evening, he was having chest pains and they went in three times to put in stints and check for blockage. He had no blockage so they discovered that the pain he was having came from his arteries spasming. During one of the surgeries, he had a small heart attack, but it wasn't too much of a concern. Blake spent the night at the hospital, but came home in the morning and went to work. As far as everyone knew, Jack was stable and they were keeping on eye on him to make sure the spasming started. (Niether Blake or I are medically astute, so if the details aren't right, I'm sorry!)


At 1:30 pm, he had a massive heart attack. Blake had just laid down for a nap and came running out of the room and said "My dad's had a heart attack" and ran to the car. I blew out the candle and grabbed my purse and coat. Blake had no coat and I had my houseshoes on, but there was no time to go back home. We sped all the way to the hospital, about 20 minutes away. The whole time I was praying that the Lord would keep us from getting pulled over. I began texting to have the word spread to pray. We had no idea how serious it was, but we got a call from Kevin (Blake's sister's husband) that he was conscious and stable and going back into surgery.


When we got to the hospital, we found his mom and the chaplain sitting in the waiting room. She just started bawling. She had been in there with him, doing a crossword puzzle, and heard a beeping sound down the hall and barely had time to get out of the room before the team came in and started working on him. His heart had completely stopped and they were able to bring him back, but we knew it was serious.


The doctor came in about 30 minutes after we got there and explained to us that Jack had a disorder that left his arteries weak so that every time they put a stint in or send a wire in, they would shred and collapse. The doctor was very frustrated and said that the only option at that point was to do bypass surgery. Thankfully, Blake and his mom and sister were able to go back and see Jack before he went into surgery. They were able to tell him they loved him and talk to him and he was able to respond to them. It was a short time, but the Lord gave them such a gift to be able to love on him while he was alert.


Right before surgery, his heart stopped again. At that point, it began to hit Blake and I that things were not going to end well. Of course, we still hoped, but I think the Lord began preparing our hearts for what was coming. They got his heart going again and did the surgery, but when they tried to take him off of the bypass machine, his heart wouldn't handle it. They put him back on the machine and came to talk to the family.


During this whole time, the waiting room was filled with family and friends. We were so blessed that our dear friends Tristan and Gayla came up to spend time with us. They brought us our laptop, phone chargers, and a couple of hoodies, so Blake didn't freeze to death. It was good to talk to them and they were so wonderful. They were blessed to have gone to the Middle East with Blake, Jack, and myself, so they were well-acquainted with how great Jack was! Our friend Gary also came up and spent time with us before he went to the airport to get Blake's brother.


At some point, the surgeon took Blake and his mom back to make some decisions. He told them that things were very bleak, but they had one more shot to get Jack back. The final option was to put a pump in to do the work for his heart to see if his heart could recover enough to start working on it's own again. They knew it was a long shot, but they felt like they had to try it. The main reason was to keep Jack going until Justin (Blake's older brother) could fly in from Seattle. His flight was scheduled to land at 11:30 pm, a couple of hours away. They did the surgery and then moved Jack to ICU, on the second floor.


Once they moved him the ICU team worked on him constantly for two hours. They were pouring sweat and working so hard. We have no doubt that everything possible was done to try to get Jack back. We were allowed into the room with him two at a time. The team worked around whoever was in there. I was so proud of Megan (Blake's sister) during that time. Earlier she had been so upset and inconsolable. But I belive God gave her the strength she needed to be there for her dad. She spent a good portion of that time stroking his hair and holding his hand. She did such a great job. Blake and his mom spent some time in there too.


Finally Justin and his (almost) two year-old son Charlie got there. The family that was with us at the hospital were amazing. They took over and little Charlie had 5 baby-sitters so Justin could be there with his dad and the rest of us. Unfortunately, Justin's wife was not able to get away from work, so she was not able to be there.


Not too long after Justin arrived, we talked to the doctor and she basically said that Jack was not coming back. They could keep him alive for as long as we wanted to go, but it was only machines at that point. It was a very surreal experience to be in that position, but everyone was in agreement that it was time to let him go.


The next two hours were excruciating. Blake's mom held Jack's hand for the entire time and was loving on him and talking to him. It was heart-breaking and yet such a sweet reminder of the love between a husband and a wife. Blake and I, Kevin and Megan, and Justin were also in there with them. We watched his vitals drop little by little and for the most part were alone with him except for the occaisional medical personnel. I don't know about the others, but I feel like the Lord was there with us. Of course we were crying. Of course we were in shock, but I know the Lord was filling my head with Scripture. I was praying desperately for my husband and for my other family in there...for peace and comfort.


At about 3:30 that morning, Jack's heart stopped. It was very quiet and then Blake started praying. I was so proud and stunned. He hadn't said much the whole evening, but he was not only praying, he started praising God in song. We all sang "I Love You Lord" together and then one-by-one said goodbye to Jack and left. It was very strange to walk down that hallway. I remember carrying a pair of shoes and just thinking, "Did that just happened?"


I took Blake straight home. The one thing I remember him saying was that he felt so bad for his dad because he was scared. I think Jack had a sense of how things would go and that was bothering Blake. I just prayed that the Lord would give Blake comfort.


The next morning I woke up and just bawled for an hour. My heart was broken and I couldn't imagine how Blake and his siblings and mom must have been feeling. I was dreading Blake waking up because I was afraid of how sad he would be. I heard him get up and I ran in there to hug him and he had a big smile on his face. He said that the Lord had given him so much peace and joy. That was the attitude he had over the next couple of days. He cried, but he talked alot about his dad and great he was. What a blessing to have a dad who loved his wife and kids so much! I'm so grateful for the way Blake handled it. He definately grieved, but he rejoiced as well. He was such an encouragement to everyone he talked to.


The next few days were a complete blur. We talked on the phone, cleaned the house, welcomed visitors, took care of funeral arrangements, and comforted each other. We ate when we could, slept when we could, and tried to be there to support Blake's mom as much as we could. For Blake and I, the love we felt from the body of Christ was overwhelming!


One of the things that made me have a breakdown, was that when we got home from the hospital, a shutterfly book that I had made Jack had arrived. I was so excited to give it to him! Usually he is the hardest one for me to buy for at Christmas, but since we had just gotten back from the Middle East, I knew a picture book about our time would be perfect. I put alot of love in that book, and even though he never saw it, it was passed around and all of his family got to see his pictures from the trip!


(In the midst of all of this, my parents hopped on a plane and flew to North Africa! We went from 4 parents to 1 in the course of a week. The feeling that our lives were changing was completely overwhelming.)


The funeral was on Saturday. I took on the two slideshows for the funeral. The first was pictures of Jack throughout his life. The second was near and dear to me because I had started it before Jack died. He was supposed to share at his church about the trip to the Middle East that Sunday! I had already decided I would finish the slideshow, but Carol, Sr. (my mother-in-law) wanted to show it at the funeral and we all heartedly agreed. Jack was so blessed by that trip and was so excited to share about what God is doing around the world. It was such a blessing to share what he wanted to share through the video. He not only shared his message with his church family, but with every friend and family member that came to his funeral! (I am posting the video below).


The funeral could not have gone better. The slideshows and music were perfect. Blake shared about his dead and we all laughed more than we thought we would! Of course, there were tears, but the Lord was honored through the funeral. We could not ask for more!


OK, so some of the blessings we talked about over those few days:


*Jack had his heart attack at the heart hospital. If it had happened anywhere else (and it could have - maybe in Jordan?) it would have been horrible and traumatic. This allowed the whole family to be with him.


*Two weeks before he died, we had a surprise party for his 60th birthday. It was a very sweet time to love on him and we all are so glad that we had that time together...and we got family pictures!


*The trip to Jordan was so special. For me, it gave Jack and I a chance to build our relationship. Both of us are on the quiet side, so it was such a blessing to spend so much time together. And, to see the depth of his faith was such an encouragement to me.


*The body of Christ. What would we have done without all of you??


These past few weeks have been so hard, but the Lord has sustained us. Please continue to pray for us as we walk through this. Pray especially for Carol, Sr, because she is learning how to live her life without Jack after 34 years. I can't imagine, but I see so much faith in the Lord in her.

My Monthly Update

Howdy from the windy plains! We are doing pretty well. It's been a tumultous past month. In late October we went to the Middle East for ten days (a post coming soon) and then we went to Virginia for Thanksgiving (another post coming soon). We also are experiencing some upheaval in the adoption process (another post coming soon!). Basically, we just need your prayer right now. We are not quite sure how to proceed and have experienced a sad let-down where we thought we were getting a baby girl, but then it fell through. We know that this is part of the process, but it's still painful. Please be praying for us as we persevere towards having children someday!

Big Changes

How is it that two major life changes are coming at the same time?
The first is the adoption process. We are done with our homestudy and I am an hour's work away from finishing our Lifebook. By the time we leave for Jordan on Friday, it will be ordered and on the way to the adoption agency to be shown to birthmoms. It's so crazy that we are here and waiting. We are so excited!
The second big change is my parents are now in Virginia. They spend the last week with us and it was a wonderful time of hanging out and getting lots and lots of errands accomplished. I have to admit that I didn't expect to be as sad as I am. We will be going to visit them for Thanksgiving and we are so excited. So this goodbye was not the big one, but it still felt wierd to get back to my house and realize that they are gone. It's a little sad to walk by that baby room knowing my mom & dad probably won't get to see it again for at least a couple of years.
I spent some time focusing on the Lord and His promises. I recognize that only by His grace are we able to do what He has called us to do. I am so greatful for a family that hears His voice and follows Him to the ends of the earth. I love His promises that this is not our home and some day we will all be together. Until then, He is the One who sustains us.

Making Progress

A quick update: we are almost done with our homestudy! Our fingerprints/background checks came in and our insurance cleared up. By the time we get back from Jordan on the 30th of October, we'll be in waiting mode. Not waiting for any paperwork or any hurdle to cross...waiting for someone to pick us!!

Waiting and Waiting

Sometimes it feels like that's all we do! Adoption is a long process! We are currently waiting for our fingerprints to be processed and for our insurance to send us their letter stating that they will cover an adopted baby at birth. Ugh!

I know that this is part of the deal, but we are so ready to be parents! Hopefully it won't be too much longer. In the meantime, we're trying to make the most of what God has given us...time! We're both busy. Blake's doing prison ministry and I'm working hard in my role with the Abolitionist Society. God is really developing these ministries into passions in our hearts. We are looking forward to seeing what He can do with us!

Time Flies!

How is it already almost October? Time is just flying by! It feels like this summer weather will never end, but that's how it is for me every year. I'm a winter girl! Fall is my favorite, but mostly because it's the beginning of cold weather. I think it comes from growing up in the tropics! I really appreciate the opportunity to wear scarves and winter coats!
Not much has changed since my last post. We are getting closer to being available for someone to pick and are looking forward to how God is going to bring us a child. (And how God will bring our baby a family!) We are staring at a pretty hefty sum to pay up pretty soon, but are excited to see how God will provide that as well!
Blake's birthday was Tuesday. We went out for BBQ two nights in a row to celebrate. That guy loves his pulled pork!
My mom and dad are now officially homeless. They are spending time with friens and family over the next couple of weeks and then they are off to Virginia.
This fall is busy! In a few weeks we are going to the Middle East and then we are going to Virginia for Thanksgiving. We are looking forward to seeing "the farm" again and meeting up with some old friends. It will be a good time for us, my sisters, and my parents.
Hopefully it won't be too long before I post again, but you never know...

And We Have Lift Off!

So, we are officially working towards adoption through Crisis Pregnancy Outreach in Tulsa. They are a wonderful organization who are committed to serving women with needs. Adoption is just one of the services they provide. They also provide things like medical care, clothing, temporary housing, counseling, etc. They also do really need things like have mentoring for girls that come to them as well as baby showers for girls who decide to keep their baby.

We are excited to be a part of this organization and look forward to how God is going to use us to serve women. We hope that we can maintain a relationship with the birth mother and that the children we adopt can know the wonderful women who made the brave choice to give them life.

Please be praying for us because now comes the work! We have already contacted a Social Worker to start on our home study (which consists of alot of paperwork!) and are also going to start working on our Lifebook soon. A Lifebook is a book with pictures and narrative that tells our story...who we are, what we do, and why we want to adopt. This is what the birthmother will look at and use to pick us.

We know that the journey ahead is going to be wild, but we're ready to start down this road!

Our Humble Abode

Our bedroom. A little ghetto, but hey, what can you do?




Future Baby's Room. Not much yet to see yet except a big mess!

Abby's Room/Guest Room/Sewing Room!

Guest Bath...note the shower curtain that has gone everywhere with us!

Kitchen...it's so much space and I'm not used to that!

Dining room

Below: Dining room and living room.

Front porch

Front of the house. The tree was our first project and still needs a little love to get back in shape!

Finally pictures of our house! We still are missing a few curtains and some paint on the walls but that will come in time! Here's what we've done so far.

Love This House!

Here are some of the things we've enjoyed since moving in:
*A dishwasher that works.
*Room in the kitchen for more than one to cook.
*A larger table that seats more than four!
*Room to have a sewing table (for my new sewing machine)
*My family was here last night and everyone had somewhere comfortable to sleep!
*Two bathrooms!
*Lots of windows and natural light
*The fun of slowly and surely making it our home.
Pictures to come!

All Moved In!

We are all moved in and working on the finishing touches. It took us a couple of weeks to get the internet, so I have been so behind on emails and other business to attend to, but we're going to post some pictures of our new home soon! Blake has been working and I started baby-sitting for a family last week. It's a great chance to make a little extra money and spend some time with some pretty fun kiddos! We'll try to get some curtains up today and maybe get some pictures up soon!

Moving Week (s)

Wow! I'm so exhausted!
Blake is in Idaho this week on a mission trip...of course the week we're moving! =) But, it's been good, solid manual labor for me this week! I've basically moved over everything I can lift and did some yard work (on my own!). I was super proud of myself for mowing and weed-whacking even though it took several calls to my dad for instructions on how to operate the machinery!
Blake flies in at noon on Saturday and we'll be moving the furniture later that afternoon. The nice thing is that the kitchen is unpacked and I've been able to get so much done this week!
Tomorrow's task: installing blinds. Wish me luck!

Moving Across Town

God has really provided for us in a crazy way, because we are working on moving into a house! We had just planned on living in a two bedroom apartment, but God has other plans. Our friends who live in North Africa have decided to purchase a house and rent it to us for a really good price. It's really close to campus and we are really excited to live there! It's definetly going to be a change from our little one bedroom. I'm in the process of cleaning it right now which is quite a task since it's been empty for a while. But hopefully, by the end of next week, we can start moving furniture over. It should be exciting and the best part is we can have more people come over! We even have a guest room/Abby's room!

What I Learned (The Hard Stuff)

"The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein, for he has founded it upon the seas and established it upon the rivers. Who shall ascend the hill of the Lord? And who shall stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up his soul to what is false and does not swear deceitfully. He will receive blessing from the Lord and righteousness from the God of his salvation. Such is the generation of those who seek him, who seek the face of the God of Jacob."

A precious Haitian brother in Christ named William shared this passage of Scripture with us on our last night in Haiti and it put the final blow into what God wanted to show me while I was there.

Going into the trip, I knew there was an issue that God needed to work on and that was my lack of compassion. I can trace this lack of compassion to living in third world countries and to my "pull yourself by the bootstraps" American-ness. You just get so used to seeing needs and not being able to do anything about them, but that does not excuse my hard heart. For about a year, I knew that this was a sin issue, but in order to have compassion, you have to have your heart broken, which is painful. I had a feeling that seeing post-earthquake Haiti would push me toward this, but honestly, I was resistant all trip. It's easier for me to take pictures, crack jokes, or pour myself into the work or serving my teammates than to really feel compassion for people who have needs. That's exactly what I did all week.

What I didn't expect was that God would break my heart and expose some ugly sin at the same time. It turns out that I have been allowing "stuff" to invade my heart. Unfortunately, I was blind to that because I was so busy applauding myself for being so sacrificial by not having cable or by living in a one-bedroom apartment.

Like I said before, I spent all week avoiding the issue. I hid behind my camera all week instead of really pouring my heart into what was going on around me. On the last afternoon, we took a drive through downtown Port-au-Prince, which is where most of the earthquake devastation occurred. It was amazing to see the destroyed buildings everywhere, a year and a half later! There were people everywhere and we drove by enormous tent communities. But I still wouldn't engage my heart in what was around me. I was snapping pictures and taking video and ignoring the Holy Spirit.




I clearly heard the Lord tell me to put my camera down and look. So, I did. Then, He told me to look for women my age that I could identify with. Even with my heart clearly hearing the Lord's voice, I was still resisting. I would see a woman and pass her off as too old or too young, or I would find some reason not to identify with her.

Then I saw a woman from behind. It was just a split second, but that image is burned in my brain. I have no idea how old this woman was or what she looked like, but there were people walking all around her and she was sitting with her back to me, washing her clothes in the gutter which was full of garbage and who knows what else. God reminded me of how often I have complained about how slow my dryer works. I felt very convicted, but a part of me was still resisting the voice of the Lord.

Right after that, we came to a stop next to a bus full of people. They were so crammed in that there was about ten people at exactly at our level who were facing our bus. They were staring at us and at that moment I saw myself through their eyes. I couldn't even look at them, I was so ashamed. God started listing the things that were in my backpack. My chapstick (which I consider a necessary item) costs more than they make in one day. I paid money for a poncho to keep the rain off of me. I spent more money on hand sanitizer than they spend on food for a week. There I was, freshly showered (with a flower in my hair that Larry had picked for all the girls) on my own seat on a bus with a backpack full of luxury items. I couldn't look back, I was so convicted about my ingratitude and unworthiness. I looked away, but I could still see them staring at me. For a good minute, they were right there and I couldn't look at them. God was bringing to mind all kinds of things that I had spent time worrying about. He reminded me of a night a few weeks before where I was worrying about how I was going to make the three

bedroom house we are getting to move into look good with our apartment furniture. The audacity of me wasting time on that thought pierced my heart. I am moving into a home with three rooms for two people (and a future baby if the Lord wills) and I completely ignored the blessings God had lavished on me to waste my time worrying about something so trivial. . The conviction weighed heavily and I still cannot get the image of those people staring at me out of my mind.

I spent most of the afternoon trying to process what the Lord had shown me. Then that night, several Haitian brothers and sisters came over and we had some time to worship. William shared Psalm 24 with us and then told us that he would be praying for us because we were about to go back to a country where we have alot of stuff. He reminded us that it is harder to stay connected to Jesus when we have stuff. The conviction of that statement was absolutely humbling. I had prayed for the Haitian people that they would have more things, and they recognize that having things is a barrier in our relationship with the Lord. Wow! What wisdom to have and what simplicity. It just showed me that I don't need anything but Christ to have joy. It was a very special time to worship with them and allow the Spirit just to reveal all of the earthly things that I have made my idols.

I'm now trying to process and deal with what the Lord shown me. The easy thing to do would be to sell everything I own and move to Haiti. But the Lord wants me to learn how to live a simple life of gratitude in this culture, which is so burdened by materialism. How do I do that?

The song "Ruin Me" by Jeff Johnson is a song that has spoken to me before, but as I've been processing what God has done in my heart, it is a song that has readily come to mind. God answered my prayers in a way that I did not expect. He has ruined my life and my plans and He used Haiti to do that. He used the people in Haiti to break my heart. I have never been so humbled by seeing faith in action, then with seeing their relationships with the Lord. My heart is deceitfully wicked but God is so faithful. I allowed things into my heart that became idols and instead of leaving me where I was, God used Haiti to show me the ugly things in my heart. And then He showed me His holiness, His mercy, His glory, and His great love for us.

I've Got The Joy Down In My Heart!

One of the most convicting things about Haiti was to see how much joy the Haitian believers have in their hearts. And by contrast, how little joy I have in my heart. One day I was doing the dishes with some of the ladies who cooked meals for us and they were all singing and dancing to the radio. It just made me think about how I do the dishes. I'm usually grumbling and thinking about how fast I can get it done so I can get on to something else. I totally miss out on that time, when I could be praying and worshipping! Not to mention, thanking God for the dishes, the food, and the water I'm washing with!

I think the biggest difference I saw between Haiti and the U.S. is how we view our jobs. To us, jobs are just what you have to do so you can get to what you enjoy. But there, they rejoiced to have their jobs and they poured themselves into them. They made their jobs fun! I just thought about all of the wasted time I spent complaining about jobs, and completely missing in the joy of God's provision.

So, one of the lessons I learned from Haiti is how simple life should be. You don't need much to survive and to be thankful. I have an over-abundance of "stuff" and yet I still miss the blessings God has given me.

The pictures I am attaching of our morning "Sing & Shout & Jump About" time where all the workers gather to worship the Lord before worshipping Him through their hard work!

This Trip Requires More Than One Post!

I will have to write several posts to really explain how the trip to Haiti was. We left Saturday, June 25th and came back this past Saturday night. I still feel tired, but it's hard to tell if that is just my age!

I guess this post will just be the details of what we did and in future ones I will try to explain what God did in my heart this week.

So, we're on the first flight out of OKC and I'm looking out the window before we take off and I see my bag coming of the plane and going onto a cart and driving away. My first thought was, well this trip is going to be about my "stuff". More on that on another post! (The pictures if Laurel and I after we got to Haiti and realized that she had no bag either - there were also two others without bags).

The compoud we stayed at happened to be across the street from the Pakistani UN compound so I got to hear the call to prayer every day. Go figure!

On Sunday we went to church and then to the beach. (See pictures from the beach). Monday through Friday were work days and then Friday afternoon we took a tour of downtown Port-au-Prince which took the biggest hit from the earthquake. I will write several posts to describe more about these experiences.

My overall experience in Haiti was so fabulous. The people are wonderful and it was a joy to meet other believers and humbling to work alongside them. I learned alot about joy and gratitude from them!

Off to Haiti

If you're really paying attention, you'll notice that this post was write at 3:15 am. Well, that's because I'm leaving for the airport in 45 minutes and frankly, I couldn't sleep. I never do before I travel. Not because I'm nervous about travelling. I think it's because I don't want to oversleep. Anywho, I should have some good pictures to post because I'm headed to Haiti this morning! I'm really excited. A group of ten is going from my church and we are going to be sleeping in tents and building a house. Those are two things that I have little to no experience in and frankly, I don't think I'm going to be good at. But, the Lord has let me to go, so I'm going. Be praying for our team...for safety, good health (and backs!) and for opportunities to share. I'm looking forward to finding out what God has for me to learn about Him through this trip. I'm also anticipating a broken heart for the condition of that country. I'm sad about leaving Blake for a week, but I know this will grow me as a person, which will only make me a better wife!

Fun-Employment

I have had a fabulous week so far! It's been strange not to go to work, but I think this new lifestyle looks good on me! Surprisingly, I've been busy. I've had coffee and dinner and ice cream with numerous friends this week (which calorie-wise and money-wise will probably not be the norm) and I've been able to spend some good time with the Lord this week. I've also been shopping for my trip to Haiti which included a great find at Academy...really cute women's workboots for $20. Yay!

So, you may wonder what I'm going to do with my time from now on? Well, I'm looking for a part-time job, but the thing that I am very excited about is being more involved in the pro-life movement. I am so excited to do something about an issue that I've felt so passionate about for so long! The first thing I will do is sign up to voluteer at the Eden Clinic, a crisis pregancy center in town. I hope to spend a couple of mornings a week with women who are pregnant and need someone to love on them and share the gospel with them.

Another arena I will be involved in is the Abolitionist Society of Oklahoma. It's a new group that has been formed by various people in our community and there just so happens to be a need for someone with the gift of organization (aka bossiness) to help out where needed. So, I have been able to run a yard sale to raise money and I am working on a couple of other projects. It's a great avenue for me to use my giftings and to work for the abolishment of abortion, not just in our country, but around the world. For more information about our society, you can go to www.abolishhumanabortion.blogspot.com to see our blog. We are all about education, but we are also about service, which I love. We used the money raised in the yard sale to help a young single mom out and are looking for other opportunities to serve brave women who keep their babies.

The third area that we are trying to be involved in is adoption, which is something God has really laid on our hearts. As someone who claims to be pro-life, am I willing to step up and bring the "unwanted" children into my home? Absolutely. Those kids could not be any more wanted by Blake and I!! God has shown us that this is how we are going to start our family. After a difficult year of trying to get pregnant, we are now ready to pursue adoption. Please be praying that God will guide us through this time. We are both so excited about this!! It is truly the heart of God and as the church we are commanded to "look after orphans and widows in their distress". I read the other day that if 1 out of every 138 Southern Baptists adopted a child in the foster care system, there would be no more children needing homes in the U.S.! That's totally something we can do as a church, and Blake and I are excited to be a part of that!

So, while Starbucks and sleeping in are going to be a part of my new life, you can see that it won't all be about me. Please be praying for these three areas that God has called me to work in. Pray that I will be faithful with my time and that Christ will be central to this work that He has called me to.

I'm Baaaack!!!

So sorry for the lack of online presence over the past couple of months. Things got a little busy, but we're on the upside now! I quit my job...my last day was Friday, so I've been able to be home and wade through my 150 emails that I'd been putting off. I also started some projects around our home that I've been wanting to get to for a long time. I'm really enjoying unemployment! We have some exciting things coming in the near future, but I'll have to get to that later. Until, thanks for putting up with the blogging absence. I can't guarantee that it won't happen again!

It's Raining, It's Pouring...

Oklahoma is in desperate need of some moisture! The last precip we got was the two blizzards in February. But those snows were so dry...only an inch of actual precipitation for sixteen inches of snow! Crazy stuff. So, things were getting...crunchy and dusty. Our beloved Oklahoma was looking a little bit like the Sahara. All week, they have been telling us we should expect rain. On Friday, we saw the storms, but the were south and never came. Yesterday, it sprinkled while we were running, but the rain never game. But today, the skies opened and it poured. It made driving difficult, but I was not about to complain. Many prayers were answered today with this downpour. Praise the Lord for perfect timing for a perfect downpour!

Santa Fe

Finally, I'm getting to pictures of our day in Santa Fe! We stayed at a really cute B&B that was right next to the plaza, so we spent some time walking around the plaza and seeing Santa Fe, and then we decided to get in the car and take the "High Mountain Road" to Taos. It was beautiful. And, the low road we took back was nice, too! It followed the Rio Grande and with the mountains in the distance, we had a feast for the eyes.

Time Wanted/Blessings

I'm quitting my job on June 17th! I'm so excited to have more time to spend with people and not working. God has blessed me with this opportunity. Hopefully I will be able blog more too! I have more pictures from our trip, but I wanted to share this song that has been speaking to me lately. We are approaching a year of trying to have children with no results. It's been a mark that I've been fearful of, but God has given me peace (and for the most part I receive it!). But frankly, sometimes I feel very sad and frustrated. I know He gave us the desire to start a family and the longer I wait, the more I'm ready. It's hard to trust that the God who gave us this desire has the perfect family planned for us. Hebrews 12 reminds me that as my Father, He wants the best and maybe what I want the most is not His plan. I feel confident that He will provide in His time and I look forward to that day. Until then, I just ask for continued prayers for us. First, for my heart. Please pray that I won't doubt God's goodness and love. I've been growing so much but I still face so many doubts and fears. Sometimes I give into the lies that I don't deserve children or even worse, that God is not as good towards me as He is towards others. I know these are lies, and I don't want to succumb to them. I also ask you to pray for wisdom for us. We know that God could provide through adoption and we are willing and hopeful to pursue it. But, please just pray that we will be patient and pursue His timing for us. I don't want you all to think that I'm sad all of the time or dealing with this constantly. It's a battle I've been fighting and through the Lord's strength, I have joy and peace most of the time. I've come to see that He is always offering peace to me, I just need to learn to accept it. Thank you for your prayers. I cannot wait until the day that we all rejoice when we see how God has provided for our family!

Albuquerque - Evans Central

We had the immense joy of spending three days with some of our favorite people...Paul, Natalie, & Brooklynn Evans! Paul and Nat went through training with us and were some of best friends over in Africa. They lived about 4 hours from us and we tried to visit them often to get away from where we were and be refreshed by spending time with them. Last time we saw them was the day we left and none of us (including them) knew that Nat was pregant with Brooklynn. So, we wanted to visit them and catch up and meet her.

We didn't do a whole lot while we there. We mostly hung out at their home because Brooke is so little, but Blake and I went to Old Town one morning. It's an ancient part of the city with lots of shops and a very pretty church.

We had an amazing time with our friends and I hope it's not another 10 months before we see them again! Brooke will be one and that's alot of cute stages to miss! We love you, Evans!

Vacation

Well, our boring lives have been more interesting this week! We are on vacation. It's been a fun week so far. I'll post pictures when we get home, but here's the itenirary:

Saturday-Sunday (last weekend): Off to Plano to stay with our friends Beau and Stacey and Harper and see Rickey and Megan and Isaiah (for the first time!).

Sunday: Gainesville for some quality time with my parents.

Monday-Wednesday: Albuquerque...staying with Paul and Natalie and meeting Brooklynn for the first time!

Thursday: Santa Fe...just the two of us.

Friday-Sunday: Guymon, OK. Not my dream vacation destination, but that's where my aunt & uncle and cousins live and we've never visited them without laughing at least a little bit!

Pictures to come next week!

Signs of Life

Tomorrow it will be 9 months since we came back from Morocco. I cannot believe it's been so long. Sometimes it seems like yesterday and sometimes it seems like forever. This Sunday, our pastor gave his "State of the Church" message, but this time he requested that we share with him ways we have grown over the past year. Blake and I laughed afterwards that it would be virtually impossible to list it because it has been one of the most difficult yet wonderful years of our lives. Here are some of the things I've learned:

**God is in control. Sometimes this past year we felt completely out of control. We had a few days to pack up our lives in Morocco and move back to Oklahoma. We had no idea how to cope with this. Blake was dealing with anxiety; I was trying to figure things out. But God completely took care of us. He has very clearly guided us to where we are. I'm still learning this lesson. We've been trying to have a baby for the past nine months and we've seen friend after friend announce their pregnancies and have their babies. This is the ultimate out-of-control thing I've faced. There is absolutely nothing I can do to make this happen on my own. But God is so faithful and I'm learning how to wait for Him. I know I will be a mom some day. It's up to Him to choose the time.

**We still want to be a part of what's going on overseas. God has clearly shown us that this is what we should pursue. While this is not the time for us to go, He has graciously given us opportunities at our church here in Norman to serve in this area.

**My priorities in life are completely different than before I went to Morocco. Career, cars, owning a home, being stable...those were all things that God completely removed from my desires. It took quite a fire, but He's leading us to live in an apartment and live on a bare budget so we can give as much as we can away. I don't say this out of arrogance, but out of gratefulness that He has given me new desires.

**My years-long interest in pro-life will soon be put to use. For many years, I've wanted to be involved in this issue, but have never had a viable chance. Especially since I want to be overseas again, I've never considered that the two could come together. But through the past month, He has given me a peace about getting invovled in the local pro-life ministries with the intention of learning as much as I can so I can be used by God overseas. Did you know in Russia there are 4.3 abortions for every life birth? Crazy. Those are broken, hurting women over there and maybe some day God can use me there or somewhere else to share the gospel through pro-life work.

I don't want to sound arrogant, but I want to testify to God's goodness in my life. The extreme difficulties of the past year (and the current ones with trying to get pregnant) all serve a purpose, His. Lord, help me to embrace the trials and praise you regardless of my circumstances!

Snowmageddon

It snowed all day Tuesday and then has been freezing ever since! Today, it snowed off and on all day and we are expecting more later. Thankfully, the roads are passable, so we've been crawling to work for the past couple of days. It's so easy for me to fall into the trap of wishing for something different. It's frustrating to take forever to get to work and to have to bundle up every time I go outside. But, the truth is that I would complain if it was hot outside. I always look for something better than I have now instead of enjoying what God has given me. I mean, how beautiful is snow? It can make a pile of trash look pretty. Even when it gets all brown, snow can be such a testimony to God's grace. I mean, think about that nasty, brown snow on the side of the road. That's how our hearts are, sinful and ugly. But God can make them white as snow. No one can do that, but Him! Father, help me to look around and see the beauty in things that I can overlook so easily!

Snowpocalypse

I love Oklahoma weather. Two days ago, I was in shorts and a t-shirt and now I'm home, bundled up, anticipating the weather event of the year. Work is off tomorrow (yay!) and the groceries are bought. I am ready for the blizzard of 2011. Word on the street is that it's comparabile to the blizzard of 2010, whatever that means! Hopefully tomorrow we will have some pretty pictures of otherwise normal things covered in snow. If we don't, that means work was called off pre-emptively and that will never happen again. I'm crossing my fingers for at least an inch!

A Beautiful Day

The crazy thing about Oklahoma is that it can be snowy one day and the next day it will be seventy degrees. So far in January we've had alot of cold, a little snow, and now two days of seventy degree weather! We were trying to decided how to enjoy our warm Saturday and Blake suggested we go down to Sulphur, a little town about an hour south of us that has a state park with hiking trails. So, we headed down and enjoyed the wonderful day. We even saw buffalo, and they were roaming.

Going To Prison

Blake spent all of today in training so he can go to jail. He has volunteered to help a man in our church with a men's ministry he is doing in the Lexington prison near Norman. He starts this week (I think) and will be going once a week to help work with a group of men who are wanting to learn about how to become more responsible members of society. Please be praying with him, that he would have the boldness to share the gospel with these men!

Snow Day (Sort Of)

Today we had a good little winter storm come through. I didn't go to work, not because of the roads, but because of a persistent cough I've had for a few days. I've almost completely lost my voice, so I decided to take the day and rest at home. I haven't been able to sleep well, so I'm trying to gather my energy to go back to work tomorrow. We'll see. Anyways, the snow was beautiful, but it's already melted. It's amazing how yesterday was fairly nice and today it snowed and now it's just cold. Gotta love Oklahoma weather!

Unsanitized

I feel like being back in Oklahoma, I've run out of funny stories and cool pictures to blog about. There is nothing unique or ordinary about going to work every day and spending the weekends catching up on sleep and re-charging. There are no more donkey carts driving by the windows or crazy things that happen to me anymore. But it dawned on me the other day...I live in America now! Sure, life is boring, but I don't have to sanitize all of my blogs anymore. The most important part of who I am is my walk with the Lord and I have the freedom to talk about that now. It's funny how I had to train myself to speak in "code". "M" or "worker" for my job. "Homegroup" or "club was the place that I gathered with my fellow believers in Oklahoma. "Father" was my Heavenly Father. Now I have to untrain myself. I don't think I'll ever be ever be able to use the "M" word liberally anymore, but I'm so thankful that I live in a country where I can freely talk about my relationship with God, even on the internet. So, since clever, funny things don't really happen to me anymore, I'll try to be better about blogging some of the things that I am learning, which is really the most important thing anyways!

Going Green

I don't usually do New Year's resolutions, but I do try to deny myself things for certain periods of time. I figure the practice of discipline is a good thing! So, Blake and I have decided to go off caffeine for a year. So far it's been a breeze, and we figure it will save us a fortune in eating out money if we always get water!

However, this month I'm doing an additional challenge. I have gone organic. I've been kind of stalled on my weight loss for a while, and even gained some on the holidays so I'm eating healthy, hard core. It's been challenging, but I'm on day six of twenty eight. Basically, my rule of thumb is that it has to be something that directly came from nature. Nothing processed, no sodium, so sugar. So pasta is out, cookies are out. It's been tough, but not as bad as I thought it would be. I can usually eat constantly throughout the day if I stick to the fruits and veggies. So far, seven pounds! Yay!

I'm coupling the eating with running. Excersize is something I enjoy but rarely make the time to do consitently. I still try to do stuff, I just am not good at sticking to plans. So, Blake and are doing a six week running plan. (I usually stick to stuff longer if I can do it in four to six week chunks). This involves running in the cold evenings when I get home, but so far it hasn't been too bad. I've really enjoyed the last couple of runs. I used to run 5 miles at a time, so it's good to be making progress towards that.

So, anyways, that is taking alot of mental energy, but so far it's worth it!