This week Jordan has been so fussy. The older he gets, the more it sounds like whining and fussing. I find myself getting so impatient with him. He can be playing by himself, perfectly content, and I leave the room for a minute and he gets upset. It's getting harder and harder to tell if there's a real, physical reason that I can fix with a bottle or a diaper change, or if it's just him going through separation anxiety.
Yesterday, I found myself getting more and more frustrated with the little guy. I began speaking to him with my angry voice and saying things like "You're driving me crazy" and "All I want to do is a load of laundry without having to mess with you". Yikes. He's not even a year old and I'm already starting to become the angry mom I promised myself I wouldn't be. It's amazing how quickly I've forgotten how long I waited for the chance to have a little guy tugging on my pants legs, wanting to be held.
I was reminded yesterday while I was changing Jordan's diaper and getting mad at him for fighting me, that a year ago at this time, we were praying for a little boy who was yet to be born and whether or not the Lord had set him aside to be ours. I had all of the laundry done and my house was clean. But I didn't have Jordan. I wasn't a Mommy, which I had dreamed about for so long. I was just a potential adoptive parent who had no idea what kind of blessings God had in store for me, through a tiny baby boy who was a surprise to everyone except his Creator.
I'm thankful and humbled that God would choose me to be Jordan's Mom and then very patiently, watch me become ungrateful, and then gently remind me how much a gift having my sweet boy truly is. Lord, help me to enjoy every minute I have with him, because in the blink of an eye, this time will be gone and I don't want to look back and remember how many loads of laundry I didn't get done and how often I got frustrated with the whining. Help me to take advantage of the opportunities You have given me to snuggle, and tickle, and stack blocks, and read books, and rock, and sing silly songs. They are all precious little moments and I am truly, truly thankful for them.
Yesterday, I found myself getting more and more frustrated with the little guy. I began speaking to him with my angry voice and saying things like "You're driving me crazy" and "All I want to do is a load of laundry without having to mess with you". Yikes. He's not even a year old and I'm already starting to become the angry mom I promised myself I wouldn't be. It's amazing how quickly I've forgotten how long I waited for the chance to have a little guy tugging on my pants legs, wanting to be held.
I was reminded yesterday while I was changing Jordan's diaper and getting mad at him for fighting me, that a year ago at this time, we were praying for a little boy who was yet to be born and whether or not the Lord had set him aside to be ours. I had all of the laundry done and my house was clean. But I didn't have Jordan. I wasn't a Mommy, which I had dreamed about for so long. I was just a potential adoptive parent who had no idea what kind of blessings God had in store for me, through a tiny baby boy who was a surprise to everyone except his Creator.
I'm thankful and humbled that God would choose me to be Jordan's Mom and then very patiently, watch me become ungrateful, and then gently remind me how much a gift having my sweet boy truly is. Lord, help me to enjoy every minute I have with him, because in the blink of an eye, this time will be gone and I don't want to look back and remember how many loads of laundry I didn't get done and how often I got frustrated with the whining. Help me to take advantage of the opportunities You have given me to snuggle, and tickle, and stack blocks, and read books, and rock, and sing silly songs. They are all precious little moments and I am truly, truly thankful for them.
