First Haircut!

It was time for this little man to get his first hair cut!  He has always been cute, but he started looking a little shaggy.  The reason I let it get so shagged out is not sentimental...no, it was financial.  I was not looking forward to the day where I had to pay to have his hair cut.  We finally decided that we would do it for his first cut...so we could watch and learn.  Well, we did watch and learn...that we are going to be paying for his haircuts!

Here's the reason why...

Yep, that's what he did the whole time.  Poor kiddo!  We took him to a "kids only" place and they were very patient with him.  They had a movie and bubbles and a truck...but nothing could cheery this poor boy up.

Not even his first sucker!

But, as soon as it was over, he was good to go.  He laughed at the bubble blowing...he played with the truck and he got a prize!

In the end, I did tear up just a little.  My baby has turned into a little boy and there is no going back.  I don't know how to slow time down, but I'm willing to pay a little extra to make that happen! :)

A Thanksgiving Tale

Once upon a time, there was a Mommy.  Well, sort of.  She was a Mommy in her heart, but she didn't have a baby.  It's not that she wasn't happy.  God had blessed her with a lot of wonderful people in her life.  She had a husband who loved her.  She had a comfortable home.  She had friends and a church family who blessed her.  She had a family who loved Jesus and supported her.  She really had a full, rich life.  But she didn't have a baby.

This Mommy didn't always want a baby.  In fact, at one time she was scared of babies!  She was happy to move to Africa and not have a baby.  She got to live there for two years and travel around Europe.  She was very happy and blessed to see so many new places and serve a wonderful group of people who lived in the mountains of North Africa.  All of these things were good and a blessing, but one day, this Mommy and her husband decided that they were ready to have a baby.

At first, the Mommy thought it would be easy.  But time passed, and no baby.  She watched friends have babies.  She saw people who were younger than her have babies.  But still, she could not have a baby.  She began to wonder if something was wrong with her.  Her heart began to hurt.  She was Mommy with no baby.  Every month that passed made her dream of being a for-real Mommy less possible.  She begged God for a baby.  Her friends and family prayed that she would have a baby.  But still, no baby.

The Mommy with no baby told God that she would cherish the baby He would give her.  She said she would be happy to stay up all night and never sleep.  She imagined that once that baby was home, she would always thank God for the baby.

One day, this Mommy was at work.  She heard of a baby who had been abandoned at the hospital nearby.  She heard that this baby need a Mommy and her heart was broken.  It was no longer broken for her own sake, but for this little baby girl with no Mommy and Daddy.  Who would teach this baby about Jesus?  Who would rock her to sleep at night and pray for her?  Who would hug and kiss this baby?  That day, the Mommy knew that God wanted them to adopt a baby.  She knew this baby girl was not theirs, but a new dream started.

Six months later, the Mommy and Daddy were ready to adopt a baby.  They had filled out all the paperwork.  They had prayed and prayed and finally, they were waiting.  Two months passed.  They thought they might be able to get a baby girl, but that did not work out.  Finally, they heard about a little boy.  This little boy was turned down by other families because he had been through so much and he wasn't even born.  The Mommy and Daddy prayed for him and decided that if his Birthmom picked them, that they would trust God to take care of his needs through them.

Finally, one day, the Mommy was driving down the road and got a phone call.  The person on the other end said that she should pull over before she told her something.  Then, the news she had been waiting for.  She was finally a Mommy to that precious little boy who was coming in three weeks!  The Mommy sobbed and sobbed. Many months of waiting and many tears that were shed seemed to disappear in that instant.

The Mommy and Daddy welcomed that baby boy home one cold February day.  They were in love with him and still are nearly two years later.

I wish this story went on
that the Mommy was grateful every day for the gift that she asked for.  Some days she was very ungrateful to be up in the middle of the night with the little baby.  Some days she got frustrated when she had to clean that little boy's face after every meal.  Sometimes, she even lost her temper with that little boy.  It is actually kind of sad how much she forgot that this little boy was a precious gift from God.

The truth is, this Mommy is a sinner who desperately needs God's grace.  She needed him to save her from her sins and she needs Him every day to love her baby and to cherish him.  She is quick to forget where she came from and how God has blessed her beyond measure.  When hard times have come, she is quick to accuse God of not loving her.  She is selfish and petty and hopeless.

But thankfully, God is gracious to her.  He sent His Son to die on a cross so that she could be God's child.  He pours out blessings on her.  He is patient and loving.  He forgives. He even said that her sins are as far away from her as the east is from the west.  She does not deserve this love, but He still gives it.

This Thanksgiving I am beyond thankful for so many blessings in my life.  I am thankful for my Savior and my God.  God, help me to remember You and to grow in my love for You.  Help me to be the Mommy that you have called me to be.  And thank you for giving me this baby.  And for this man you have given me to be my husband.  I love you.

Happy Gotcha Day!!

A couple of weeks ago, we celebrate the one-year anniversary of the day when Jordan became a Lindley forever!  We plan on celebrating that day every year as a family and rejoicing in what God has done to bring us together.  This year we took our little man to Andy Alligator, which is a family fun park here in Norman.  We had a blast, but didn't spend much money.  That's because Jordan was so amazed by the flashing lights that he couldn't focus on one thing.  It was fun to watch him run around and just enjoy the scene.

 

Dear Jake

Dear Jake,

I cannot believe that you are six months old today!  I'm sure you are so big and so cute.  I'm sure you are getting close to crawling.  You were pretty laid back when we got to be with you in the hospital, so you might just be super chill and content with watching the world go by.  I'm sure your mom will be okay with that.

It's hard to believe that it has been six months since we have seen you.  I think about you all of the time.  We were in South OKC the other day and eating at a restaurant.  I caught myself looking around to see if you and your family were there.  I would love to see what you looked like and see how big you've gotten.  Every time we drive north on I-35, I can see the hospital where you were born.  Blake and I laugh about that crazy night in the hospital where we had to dodge a crazy grandma and we all three spent the night in a tiny lactation room.  And you are a legend at Deaconess!

I still get sad when I think about you, but it has gotten easier over time.  It was an honor to be your Mama for 18 hours.  I am so thankful that I got to hold you and watch Blake brush your hair after your first bath.  You loved it!  I think that first 18 hours, you might have spent a total of five minutes in your bassinet because we could not put you down!  We savored our time together, and while it broke my heart to leave you there, I knew that you were not supposed to be ours.  I know your mom, dad, and brother are so thankful that you are theirs.  That's what God planned all along and I'm glad we got to be a part of your journey.

You will never know me and will never know who I am, and that's okay.  I want you to know that I am thankful for you and will be praying for you as often as I think of you.  There's a little boy at church who was born two days after you.  His mom is one of my best friends and we had hoped that you two boys would be best buds someday.  I am thankful for him because he reminds me of you.  I pray that you are safe and happy.  I pray that you are healthy.  I pray that you will know Jesus someday.  I pray for your mom and dad and their salvation.  I have embraced my role as someone who prays for you and I will continue to walk in faith that God used those eighteen hours for His glory.

You are loved, little guy.  We miss you and love you!

Carol

Set Your Eyes

I think one of the results of having a child who didn't sleep well is that I am now a bona fide night owl.  I am thankful that I don't require a lot of sleep to function, but sometimes that's my downfall too.  It's amazing the ways I can find to waste my time just to continue to enjoy a quiet house!  Most nights, Jordan sleeps through the night and I am able to sleep a good six or seven hours in a row.  I always stay up too late, but I'm still getting those hours in.  But, every once in a while, he wakes up and it's a couple hours of battling to get him back to sleep.

Last night was one of those nights.  I stayed up until midnight wasting time...not doing anything beneficial at all.  I told myself over and over that I need to get to bed.  I need to get some sleep.  But, I stayed up.  Sure enough, at 3:20 Jordan started crying.  Two hours later, I was finally back in bed only to be woken up at 6 by Blake's alarm.  Then I fell back asleep for another hour or so until Jordan finally woke up. 

I was dead tired this morning!  Coffee was a first priority (after the snuggling part of my morning was over).  Sesame Street was employed to entertain Jordan while I sipped my coffee and forced my eyes open.  Why did I do this to myself? 

Boring story...but I feel like it's a good metaphor for something I've been learning.

I feel like every time I spend time in the word (by myself or at church), it's about heavy stuff.  Trials, the journey through life, keeping an eternal perspective.  On Wednesday nights, we are studying the book of Job...not exactly an uplifting read!

Add that to the things that have been going on in my life (along with so many of my friend's lives), the question of the day is "Why is this happening?"

There are many answers to this question and I don't believe we can ever know for sure, but we do know that God says that "All things work together for the good of those who love Him".  He also tells us to "Keep your eyes on things above, not on earthly things."  There is no short answer to "why" bad things happen other than sin.  Consequences of sin may be one reason for a problem.  God may be using a trial in our lives to draw us to Him, to refine us, or to draw others to Him.  Or all of the above.

One thing we know is "Our God is in the Heavens; He does all that He pleases."  Because I am His child, I can rest in the knowledge that He is working all of the good and bad and hard and joyful into what He wants it to be.  Sometimes I can see reasons here on earth.  Last week, I was able to encourage and relate to a friend who is struggling with infertility last.  We wouldn't have Jordan if it weren't for a potential placement not working out just five weeks before.  Sometimes, I'm left with nothing except God's goodness and promises.  Why didn't we get to bring Millie home?  I really can think of no good earthly reason.  I have to CHOOSE to set my mind on the things above...that God has a plan that will glorify Himself and will not waste the frustration and grief I feel now.

So, we may or may not get answers to "why".  But we can know one things for sure.  Hard times will come. Following Christ is hard.  It means dying daily.  It means persecution.  It means giving up earthly treasures for heavenly ones.  Everyone will go through difficult times.  It's a guarantee.

So, what in the world does my sleepless night have to do with suffering and trials?  In the grand scope of things, being a little sleepy today because my own dumb choices is really not that big of a deal.  But at 5:15 this morning when I was trying to drift back to sleep, I thought "I should have been ready for this.  I know this is going to happen, so why didn't I do the right thing and go to bed early?  I should have just planned on this happening and it wouldn't be so hard now."

If we know something will happen, and we just don't know when, isn't the smart thing to do to just go ahead and prepare for it. Get your rest when you can.  Go to bed instead of wasting precious sleep on Facebook.  Sleepless nights will come...enjoy and make the most of the sleep-filled nights.

That's how we need to approach the trials of life.  Expect them, plan for them...not in a "there's a problem around the corner, Debbie-downer" kind of way.  But if we know that this world is not our home and there will be trouble, shouldn't we use the days we have that are good and normal to prepare.  Get to know God and His promises.  Pray for strength and endurance when the hard times come.  Pray for others who are walking through difficult times.  Rejoice in the mundane and the blessings.  Don't be caught off guard.  Use each day to get to know the God of Heaven who promises to sustain us.

Millie

I've already shared on Facebook, but I wanted to write a blog to record the events of the past couple f weeks.  It's hard to be able to communicate with everyone what goes on in our little adoption world because we aren't allowed to talk about a baby until parental rights are terminated...usually about 3 weeks after the baby is born.  That was so hard with Jordan because we were so ready to share pictures of our cute little dude!

We were notified during our time in North Carolina that we had been chosen to adopt a little girl.  We met the birth parents a week later and felt really good about the placement.  We talked to the birthparents and decided we were going to name her Amelia June (Millie).  We got busy getting ready for a girl-baby...mostly pulling out all of our blue stuff and sorting through loads of pink stuff that people gave us.  If you've never adopted, I don't think I can explain the feeling of preparing for a baby that is not your bio-baby.  It's apparently very similar to a pregnancy...just shorter!  You get excited and attached.  You think about how old she'll be at Christmas and how many months apart she will be from Jordan.  You wash her clothes and hang them up.  You talk about "baby sister" and start preparing Jordan for the changes ahead.  You make lists of things to pack when it's time to go to the hospital and try to figure out child-care for Jordan.  You clean and organize and sort and dream.  What I didn't do was worry.

Well, the morning of September 16th I packed up Jordan and his gear and headed to Blake's mom's house.  On the way, I prayed for God's provision with this baby.  I had some nerves but I tried to set them aside.  As I was walking in to her house, I got a call from our adoption specialist.  Major red flags*** had started going up and she wanted to let me know.  At that point, there was still hope, but frankly, I didn't feel that hope.  I called Blake and it took me about a minute to start talking because I just bawled.  He immediately headed over to Shawnee.  We spent the entire day calling people and updating people as we could.  There was not much to update.  It wasn't until the next day that we got confirmation that Millie would not be ours.

The worst part of Monday was having to make "the call"...again.  It is so hard to hear excitement on the other line (or see it on your parents' faces via Skype) and then break the news that yes, this is happening again.  I felt like I was one-by-one breaking my family's hearts.  I know that this is not my fault, but it was still really difficult.

On Tuesday, we definitely felt that it was confirmed as another disrupted adoption.  It was a rough day.  I played Candy Crush for the majority of the day and poor Jordan watched tv all day...although he didn't seem to mind.  I have to confess that I didn't feel as in control with this one.  When this happened with Jake, I really did feel the peace that passes understanding.  I really gave into the lies this time.  I spent time dwelling on what I did wrong that would make this happen.  I wondered if I had been more worried (and prayed harder) that it would have worked out.  I felt stupid for thinking this wouldn't happen again.  I felt despair that I had no control over my ability to have children.  I felt jealously towards people who could easily get pregnant.  I felt a lot of things, and not good things.  I didn't want to be encouraged or read Scripture that people were sending me.  I wanted to cry and feel sorry for myself.  I wish I could say I handled it better, but I didn't.  I will say that I was pretty convinced that we wouldn't be adopting again and that Jordan would have to be an only child!

On Wednesday, I decided I had wallowed enough.  I decided to be a mother to the child God has given me and that I needed to enjoy the blessings I have.  Not to say that I still wasn't sad and I didn't cry, but I tried not to listen to the lies.  I tried to let other people encourage me.  By the end of the day, I felt like yes, the Lord is with me.  He cares.  He knew this would happen.  And He has a plan for my family that is far greater than I can make for myself.  I got over myself and my self pity and tried to start moving on.  And yes, I felt a peace about trying to adopt again.

So, today, we're doing fine.  It's still sad and hard sometimes.  I want to let myself dwell on my problems and disappointments.  But, like the verse on my wall says "This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalm 118:24).  I have to choose to rejoice in this beautiful weather, my amazing family, and all of the blessings that I have. 

Thanks to everyone for praying for us.  It's been a different road than we would have chosen and we wish that we had been able to bring Millie into our family.  But we look forward to the days ahead and what God has planned for us!

***There are a lot of details in this disrupted adoption that I'm just going to not mention.  Frankly, we don't know many details because we weren't in the same position as we were with Jake.  With Jake, we had gotten to know his birthmom and were at the hospital watching the drama unfold.  In this case, we just sat around and imagined what could be going on.  I still don't know a lot about what happened, just that it did.

Weariness

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28

I've known that verse since I was a child.  But it never fully made sense to me.  You know how it is when you're a kid...you never really get tired.  You don't sleep unless you have too and a full day at Chucky Cheese sounds like the best day ever!  Somewhere before 29, things changed.  We went and played ski ball for an hour the other evening and my back was sore for hours!

I never really understood what it was like to be burdened either.  Even after I was married, I still believed that people could just choose to have kids whenever they wanted.  I didn't know anyone with cancer or who had parents pass away.  The most stressful part of my day was rush hour traffic.  Getting home a little after 5 pm seemed like I had a full schedule with no time for myself.

Well, when Blake was in Haiti I was reading a book called "Desperate" which is a book written by moms for moms.  There was a chapter about weariness, and I felt like it was so speaking to me.  Sure, I was physically tired, but there was a lot of other issues going on too, and I was so grateful to be reminded that 1) I was not the only one feeling weary and 2) Jesus promises rest.  Now, the rest Jesus talks about isn't necessarily physical or immediate relief from a physical ailment.  It is the rest of knowing that He knows all of the big and small issues that weigh on me daily.  It is the rest that He cares about the sparrows, so of course He cares that we are clothed and fed daily.  It is the rest that He is in control of situations that seem so dire and desperate, both in my life and around the world.  It is the rest that He gives me strength to run the race and rewards me at the end for persevering.

Here are some of the things that have made me weary and burdened:

*Balancing school, motherhood, housework, cooking, church, friends, and whatever else is thrown my way.

*Speaking of motherhood...having to rinse my child off in the sink after every meal and spend the entire meal sharing my own food with him (even though we are eating the same thing!).

*Also in the arena of motherhood...trying to be calm and patient when the fits come.  Yep, the two's are coming! 

*Having to plan a playdate around my friend's chemo schedule.  And daily bearing the burden that my friend is suffering and battling her way through a cancer diagnosis.

*Watching people I love make terrible choices.

*Trying to battle indifference towards God's Word.

*Having a car that is beginning to fall apart and at the same time trying to pay off medical bills.  With earthly eyes, there is no way we're getting out of this hole!

All of these things are weighing on me.  They are burdening me.  They make me weary.

But, as Jesus promises, He does not leave us or forsake us.  He is walking through these days with me.  He has a plan for us that may never include wealth, but will always include joy.

Here are some of the ways He has given us rest - just some of many!:

*He provides friends who I can share life with.  Getting together with them and discussing the stresses of life and knowing that I am not alone is so comforting.  Some have toddlers and some have had toddlers.  All are a great encouragement to me!

*My little guy can throw some big time tantrums...but makes me laugh out loud all of the time.  There is nothing like having toddler arms squeezing your neck and having toddler lips giving you sloppy kisses!

*God still provides things that allow me to make my house pretty and to wear that don't have holes in them!

*And the most recent blessing...a all-expense paid trip to North Carolina with my husband.  It was unexpected and wonderful.  I spent an entire morning by myself and I had the opportunity to sit on a bench, in the woods, by a brook...and just soak in God's Word.  It was refreshing and renewing to be around other Believers and friends who I haven't seen in years!  It was refreshing to sleep at nights and have time to go on a three mile hike with my man. 

God knows what we need and has ways of providing that we often do not see coming.  He is good and faithful.  He promised rest and He gives it.  It won't always be a free trip alone with my husband...but if I look for it, He is giving me rest every day!

Whaaa???

That's what Jordan says all the time, while holding his hands out to his side.  It's so stinkin' cute.  He also holds them up when you ask a question.  I love watching our little due learn.

His newest word is "Choo choo". He says it for trains and planes.

Our neighborhood is hopping again!  OU starts back today (boo for me!) so all of the students are back.  I love fall 'round here.  Every afternoon the OU marching band practices within earshot.  I start dreaming of cooler weather and all of my jackets and sweaters that have been boxed up for months.  And, of course, praying that we will be able to adopt again soon.  A fall baby sounds fun!

Fishin'

Jordan got to go fishing with his dad, grandfather, and great-grandfather.  What a lucky little man!  He caught two of the three fish.  Literally, he was the one holding the pole when the fish jumped on.  He's got the gift!

It's Grandparent Time!

Jordan is almost 18 months old and FINALLY got to meet his grandparents.  My mom and dad work in North Africa and haven't been able to come visit since he was born.  We've all been looking forward to their vacation and are really having a blast and we have two whole weeks left! 

 

My Dad's highlight was taking his grandson to a Ranger's game.  Happy, happy, happy!

 

 

 

My Mom is just enjoying snuggle time and reading time.

 

We have done so much since they came...the zoo, Rhythm Babies, the splash pad, the playground, and so much more.  But we're enjoying even just hanging out at home.  Jordan is at a great age for getting to know them!

Home Alone-ish

Blake got home last night from Haiti!  He went to  help run six days of medical clinics in six different locations.  I don't know all of the statistics, but I know they saw a LOT of people!  He spent a few months prior to his trip preparing by trying to learn as much creole as he could.  It paid off, at least a little, because he spent six days triaging the people who came to the clinic.  He quickly learned "infection", "cough", and "fever".  He achieved about a 50% success rate at getting the right information on the forms, which is pretty impressive to me!  I think he had a good time and I am positive that he is glad to be home with us!

Speaking of us, we are very happy to have Dad home.  You forget how helpful husbands are until they aren't around.  I will wait at least a week or two to start nagging Blake again. ;) 

Last year when Blake went to Haiti, Jordan was four and a half months old.  It was kind of a nightmare week.  While he was gone, our car broken down.  And Jordan really had a rough time sleeping for the first year of his life.  By the time Blake got home, Jordan and I were both ready for the calm factor that Blake brings into our family!  Apparently, the two of us are pretty high-strung!

This year was so much easier.  It helps that he is sleeping better, but we are still happy to have the calm guy back with us again.  I had a couple of rough patches.  The first was my back.  I hurt it on Monday, but by the end of the week I felt back to normal.  The second was when my sweet little toddler starting throwing some MAJOR milk-related fits.  There's a big ole self-inflicted bruise on his head from yesterday's fit.  Nothing like loading up the car to go to church with a screaming coming from the house.  Happy, happy, happy!

I've been reading a book called "Desperate", which was written for moms.  It is such a refreshing book to read.  I've read books that kind of give you ideas and lists of things that are important to do with your child.  And, if you go on Pinterest, you are bombarded by things you should do to help your kids learn this or learn that.  It's all good, but sometimes it's overwhelming.  This book has been so nice because it talks about things like Mommy-guilt, sin, feeling weary...all things that tend to happen.  I usually cry when I read it because it brings me such relief to know that I am not the only one who forgets to brush my kid's seven teeth every night.  Or forget to pray before we eat.  Or sometimes want to just get out of the house for a while.  It's not just me!  No one has it together.

The section that really spoke to me was about weariness.  "Come near all you who are heavy-laden and I will give you rest".  That is a promise in Scripture.  God knows I'm tired.  He knows that I don't get a lot of sleep or "me time".  It's not a surprise to him that babies are crazy and time-consuming.  He promises to give us REST despite the crazy and the lack of sleep.  I'm so thankful for His Word and how it speaks.  I think me sweetest times of prayer are in the middle of the night when I'm rocking Jordan back to sleep after a bad dream or some tooth pain.  I turn on his "Praise Baby" cd and reflect on the blessing that Jordan is.  I am learning to make the most of my cuddle time because he will be a big kid who doesn't want to snuggle with his mama.  In the blink of an eye, I'll wish I was up at night with baby again.  So, maybe the rest isn't always physical.  It's resting and enjoying the season of life that God has given us.

Happy Father's Day!

 



Weather Awareness

Even if you haven't been 'round here the past few weeks, you've probably heard quite a bit about Oklahoma on the news.  It's been a tragic spring in the Sooner state.  In the past two weeks we have had two F-5 tornadoes in the Oklahoma City metro area.  This is crazy, because usually the entire United States only has one to two F-5 tornadoes a year. 

The first tornado hit Moore on May 20.  Moore is only about five miles to our north and we know a lot of people there.  Many of our church members live just south or just north of the path.  We were fortunate that no family in our church had major damage from the storm.  Twenty four people were killed, including seven third graders at Plaza Towers Elementary.  It was a devastating storm that made it's way through the entire town of Moore.  Blake and I both had opportunities to go clean up people's homes, and it gave us a glimpse at the amazing power of weather.  We are helpless if it comes our way.  All we can do is hide.

The second tornado went through El Reno and Union City on May 31.  While the majority of it's path was in rural areas, it at one point was 2.6 miles wide (!!!!!) and killed 18 people.  The majority of people who died were in cars or drowned while trying to hide from the storm. 

So, in the past few weeks, we have sheltered 5 times and been "weather aware" an additional 2-3 days.  Add that to the clean-up, the FEMA trucks around here, buying supplies for displaced families, and watching the weather for days in advance trying to plan around the storms...we are emotionally exhausted!

I wanted to describe a typical weather aware day.  A perfect day to describe would be this past Friday, May 31.  For several days before, we had heard that it would be bad.  Actually the day before, we had already had to be near shelter.  All morning, you could feel it in the air.  The air is thick and "soupy".  It is still outside, which is rare for our windy state.  I spent the morning going about our normal routine.

At noon, I started really focusing on weather.  I put Jordan down for a nap and while he was sleeping began making preparations around the house.  I packed a bag for Jordan and for us with our most important belongings.  It's kind of weird to walk around and decide what matters most.  For us it is pictures, our Bibles, a change of clothes, important documents, and my mom's jewelry that she left in our safe-keeping.  We also pack plenty of diapers/snacks for Jordan and some of his most cherished toys and books.  If we could, we would pack it all, but storm shelters are by now means spacious.  I also packed our brand new weather radio!

A funny thought that I have on tornado days is how I shouldn't even bother with chores because it is possible that my house might be blown away.  On Friday, I did all the laundry and as I was hanging it up, I thought, "I am going to be so mad if I finish all of the laundry and then my house gets blown away.  That would just be ironic."  Thankfully, that didn't happen....and all my laundry was done.

The weather guys (who are awesome and we trust so much) were saying that storms would be coming towards OKC at 5...firing out west around 4-4:30.  So, Blake came home at 2:30 and I loaded the car and then we just hung around until just before 4.  We left then because we wanted to make the Sonic happy hour, which ended at 4.  We got our half-price drinks and then drove 15 minutes across town to our dear friends' house. 

Our friends have an underground shelter in their garage.  We go there, along with 3-4 other families.  When we arrive, I just go ahead and put our bags in the shelter.  Makes it less hassle to climb down there when the action starts.  Then, we all just hang around and watch tv until the storms pass or we have to shelter.  Sadly, the previous Monday, we didn't have to shelter, but we did watch the storm go through Moore.  It was horrifying to helplessly watch it, thinking about our friends, and wondering how life would go back to normal.

So, back to Friday.  We'd been their so often, that one family brought pizza with them when they came.  Might as well enjoy some food while you sit around.  The storms started firing up right when the weathermen said they would.  For a while, it seemed as if the storms would go north of us.  Then all of a sudden, they turned south, which is really really crazy.  We started to prepare to go down to shelter (shoes, etc) and watched the storm roll in from the north. 

There is no way to describe the feel when the storm is almost there.  All of the air is getting sucked into the storm.  You can watch it grow and get closer, and can sometimes see it spinning.  The women in children usually go down first and wait and the men come in when it's time.  After about 15 minutes, the guys squeezed in and we waited about 15 minutes before we could come out.

When we were down in the shelter, cramped and sweating, we had the radio, satellite on phones, and text messages coming in from families who could watch tv.  It's very confusing because your really don't know what was going on and that night was unusual.  At one point there were six circulations over Norman so every area of Norman was under the gun.  It's also weird to get a text telling you the chasers are in your neighborhood.  Awesome.

When we came out, we were in the clear, with no power.  But the storm was still raging.  We had one more band to come through.  It was high wind and hail, but after being underground we were all content to sit on the porch and watch the show.  We all sat in the dark with flashlights and listened to the radio describe the damage and destruction the storm had brought.

After much debate, we decided to chance going home.  We figured we didn't have power, but after a crazy drive home, we did have power.  We are thankful to be safe and sound and so sad for those who are not.

See why it is so stressful?  Our lives have been revolving around tornadoes for a few weeks.  So, welcome June with your heat and wonderful predictability!

Baby Jake

For those of you are not familiar with adoption, there is something you should know.  Adoption is risky.  There are no guarantees.  With our adoption agency, one in five adoptions are disrupted.  This means that in some part of the process a birthmom will change her mind or something else will happen that will cause the adoption plan not to fall through.  In very rare cases, the adoptive parents will even have the baby at the hospital or take the baby home before the plan is disrupted.  It is something that every adopting parent fears, but never thinks will actually happen.

 

Well, it happened to us.  We are those people.  The morning Jordan turned 13 months, I was praying that we would get a baby in time for my mom and dad to meet #2 this summer.  That afternoon I got a phone call and we had been chosen!  We met the birthmom and her one year old son the next day and fell in love with them.  We found out it was a boy and began making plans.  We chose the name Jake.  He was born on April 23rd.  Below are the emails we sent to our friends and family throughout the ordeal.  I thought that would be a good way to document this whole thing.  Plus, expressing my feelings now would ruin the story! :)

 

Some things to know:

 

*Jake is the name we gave the baby.  He is named something else now, but we will always call him Jake.  We named him after a dear friend and feel like the Lord's hand was in the naming process.

 

*We are doing fine and anxiously awaiting God's gift of our second child.

 

*I edited the emails some so there is no identifying information. 

 

So, read on...it's long, but worth the story of God's faithfulness!

 

 

Sent Wednesday, April 24 at 3:15 AM:

 

Good early morning!  Blake and Jake are sleeping on either side of me.  We're in a tiny lactation room that they have let us use since there are no rooms available on this floor.  It's not what we imagined, but there are a lot of things that happened today that we did not imagine.

 

We got the call around noon that Birthmom was headed to the hospital.  We showed up, and the adoption specialist sat us down and told us that Birthdad and his mom had been causing trouble and were camped out in the waiting room.  We got to go see Birthmom for a few minutes and then left to go get lunch and stay out of the way of the drama.  While we were there, the adoption specialist texted and told us she was coming to talk to us.

 

Basically, what is happening is that Birthdad is claiming that he will contest the adoption.  He will be served papers tomorrow or Thursday with a court date and to make a long story short, this adoption has suddenly become risky.  We know that all adoptions are risky, but this one kind of took us by surprise.  We were the given the option to back out or find transitional care for him until this is resolved.  We both felt like it was important for us to be there for Jake.  It is very scary to think about taking him home and then having to give him back after a few weeks, but in the end, this is not about us and our feelings, but about this little boy.  After all, it is his birthday.

 

So, we are proceeding as planned and are praying that Birthdad will have a change of heart.  We ran into his mom in the hallway and she immediately started chewing us out and the adoption specialist had to ask her to go back to the waiting room.  Please pray that the adoption specialist will have an opportunity to talk to Birthdad and explain to him the details of our adoption plan.  If we did have to give up Jake, he would go back to Birthmom which we are comfortable with, and is ironic since she wants us to have him.  She is not comfortable (and after what we've seen today, neither are we) with Birthdad getting him, so there would probably be a custody battle for Jake.  Please pray that this little boy would get to be in a stable home where he is loved.

 

All of that to say, we are in love already!  He is such a sweet baby.  He responds really well to touch and he loves having his hair brushed!  He's a Lindley man...he eats, burps, and poops very well.  He is seven pounds, ten ounces and 20.5 inches long.

 

Things to pray for:

 

*Changed hearts so we can just bring him home without us or Birthmom having to worry about the future.

*Wisdom regarding what to do if the adoption is contested.  We will fight for this baby if we feel like that is where the Lord leads.

*Peace and joy as we celebrate his little life.  We don't want to spend these few weeks in anxiety, but enjoy this new little addition to our family.

*Birthmom as she is grieving Jake not being near her anymore.

*Of course, health for baby and us as we will probably not sleep well until we get home.

 

Blessings:

 

*A healthy, sweet baby boy.

*An adoption agency who is so invested in helping us through this time.

*An attorney we will be able to use if we need who has such a heart for adoption.  He did Jordan's finalization and his wife made Jordan a blanket and a burp rag!

*Friends who have walked this road before.  Our associate pastor and his wife have gone through this and we are so thankful that they can help us with counsel and prayers.

*Nurses who have been so kind to us.  There were no beds available, so they shoved a bed in a tiny lactation room and we are making the most of it!

*A heavenly Father who cares about this little boy and our family.  God is good and we are thankful that we can trust Him.

  

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34

 

 

Sent Wed, April 24 at 3:45 PM:

 

Thank you so much for your prayers.  We prayed that the Lord would resolve this quickly and he has.  We left Jake with his birthmom at the hospital about an hour and a half ago.  Early in the day, we knew that it was a big possibility that we would not have a case against the birthdad.  The agency's lawyer reviewed everything and by noon, we knew that God was closing the door for us.  It was tough, but to be honest, we knew before then.  We took Jake over to his birthmom's room and we witnessed her loving on him.  She has a one year old with her current fiancé and they were all there.  We felt like God was showing us that this was Jake's family. 

 

Once we knew that he was not ours, we spent some time loving on him and then took him back to birthmom.  She is very overwhelmed by this.  She really wanted us to adopt him and is struggling, but Jake will be very well cared for.  We are very sad and we miss him already, but we know God is bigger than this.  He has a baby planned for us who is perfect and He will use this in our lives and we're praying that the nurses and staff and the birth family will be impacted by this as well.  We are thankful to be back with Jordan, who is helping make us feel better with hugs and kisses!

 

So, some things to pray for:

 

*For birthmom...she was not planning on having a newborn, so please pray that she will be able to handle it well.  Pray that birthdad will relent and allow her to parent.  Pray that he will not be able to get custody.

*Pray that Jake and his big brother will come to know Christ.

*Pray for our hearts and for those of our family & friends who are grieving this.

*Pray that we will be able to adopt soon and see one of the reasons God had this planned for us.

 

We got to be Jake's Mommy & Daddy for 18 hours and every second was wonderful.  He is a sweet little guy and we are thankful for his little life.

 

We love all of you so much and covet your prayers!

 

 

Sent Thursday, April 25th at 9:15 AM:

 

Good Morning,

 

Our hearts are hurting this morning but we know that God's word is true: Every day is a gift from him and He has promised to heal broken hearts and give us the desires of our hearts.  He will give us a child and He has given us a way to bless Jake and his family, thanks to the giving hearts of my sweet family and friends.  Here is what we are thinking:

 

I talked to the adoption specialist this morning and she shared their immediate physical needs with me.  We as a family are going to take them some diapers, formula, and a baby bath today.  What we would like to do is gather money, goods, cards, gifts...whatever you feel led to give and take them up there next week, or the week after.  I love the idea of showering them with love.  It will be such a blessing to the Birthmom to know that these gifts are from friends & family of ours.  It will help her know that we love her and have no bad feelings towards her.  So, if you have something to give, you can get it to us in person or mail them to us.

 

Whatever we receive, we will pass on and I'm excited to see what God will do with this. 

 

We chose the name Jake, because we wanted to name him after a good friend we had the privilege of serving with overseas.  He always challenged us by his servant's heart towards people and we consider him to be very dear to us.  Baby Jake will always have a special place in our hearts and we are thankful we could name him for Jake.  My first time we ever pulled up in a village, Jake gave us his "OK, people, let's be salt & light" pep talk.  I still think of that when I have a chance to minister to people.  It is very fitting that Baby Jake was named this way because we are praying that though this situation we can be "salt & light" to his family and to the nurses & staff who witnessed our grief and attempts to honor the Lord with this.  We are thankful.

 

We love all of you!

 

 

Sent Tuesday, April 30 at 11:15 PM:

 

Good Evening,

 

I have been putting off sending this email, because I was hoping that I would know more details about what has been going on with Baby Jake.  Unfortunately, it is looking like I will not get to know more about him, at least for the foreseeable future.

 

On Saturday, I got a call from the adoption specialist who was letting me know that Jake is no longer with his birthmom.  She wanted me to know so I would stop collecting gifts for her.  Because of confidentiality regulations, she could only tell me that he is not with her and that he is safe.  She was going to try to get permission to share with us what has happened and where Jake is, but she has not been able to get ahold of birthmom.  This was very difficult news for us for a couple of reasons.

 

First, we were really excited about all of the baby goods we had been able to gather.  If you have given us diapers/formula, or any other generic baby items, I will take them to Eden Clinic, a pregnancy resource center where I am a volunteer.  They will go to help mothers who are in need.  If you gave me a gift card, would you let me know if you want me to donate it to Eden Clinic, or if you want me to send it back to you?  If I don't hear from you, I'll pass it on to Eden.

 

Second, and far more importantly, we are having to trust the Lord with Jake's well-being.  It was easier to deal with this situation when we knew where he was.  Any guessing on our part on where he is and how he got there is speculation.  I feel like Moses' mom...having to send him off and trust that he will end up where he will be well-cared for and loved.  I know that God is in control, and am trying to come to terms with my unexpected role in Jake's life.  I have gone from being his mom to having no ability to help him in any way, except for lifting him up to the Lord.  I am having to "Be still, and know that I am God".  Not easy.  But I am trying to take every thought captive and turn my worry for Jake into prayers.  A friend today told me what a foster mother once told her...that every child deserves to have someone love him and pray for him, even if it is for a short time.  I am thankful that I can do that for Jake.

 

Here are some specific things you can be lifting up for us:

 

1. Please pray for Baby Jake.  Please ask for protection and that he will land in a home where is well-cared for and loved.  Pray that he will hear the Gospel and learn to follow the Lord.

 

2. Pray for me.  Blake is doing well, but my heart is still sad.  Pray that I will trust in God's plan and lean not on my own understanding.

 

3. Pray for our adoption plan.  Starting tomorrow, we will be available again.  It could happen fast, so please pray that the Lord will connect us with the baby he has chosen for our family.  It is very strange to be at this point again, but we are looking forward to being able to bring a second baby into our home.  Jordan is ready to be a big brother!

 

Thank you so much for your love and support through this time.  We love you all!

 

 

Sent Thursday, May 2 at 4:45 PM:

 

 

I have an update on baby Jake and it is wild and a HUGE praise!  He will not be coming home to us, but we are full of peace and joy about what has happened today: 

 

The adoption specialist just called to tell me all of the details of what has been going on.  Originally, birthdad had told birthmom that they would work together.  She took him home and the next day, he served her with custody papers.  She gave him up to him because she couldn't afford an attorney (and had just given birth, had an adoption plan fall through, etc.)  He took Jake and for the next few days did not allow her to visit.  It was a really bad situation and it seems that they were using Jake as a pawn.

 

Now to the wild turn...the paternity test came back today and birthmom's fiancé (dad of her one year old and really nice guy!) is Jake's dad!  So, she is on her way right now to go get Jake away from this other guy.  I am blown away by this!  When asked her how she felt about parenting, she said that with all that has happened, she knows that she is supposed to be Jake's mom.  We completely agree!  We knew when we left the hospital that he was not meant to be ours and that he belonged in her family.  This is why it was so hard to hear that he was not with her.  (On a side note, our profile has been reactivated today so we are on the market again).
I can't even begin to express how thrilled we are about this.  God is so good and Birthmom wants to thank everyone for praying.  She recognizes God's hand in all of this.  Please pray for this family's salvation. 
We are now able to proceed with showering them with diapers, formula, and other gifts!  I didn't take the stuff up to Eden yesterday because I didn't feel a peace about it.  I have it already to go up there tomorrow!
Did I mention that God is so good and He answers prayer? :)




So, that is Jake's story.  Crazy, huh?  We are thankful that God can use us in this little boy's life and we pray for him constantly.  We're not afraid of future adoptions because we know that God's hand is on our family and on the babies we are privileged to bring into our home...and those we only get to know for a few hours.

The morning that Jake was born, I was at a Bible study and we were talking through Esther 4.  In it, Queen Esther decides to risk her life to save her people and as she puts it "If I perish, I perish."  When I was thinking through this experience, I feel like the Lord has been showing me over and over that adoption is about families, but it is about the Gospel and the children who need homes.  So, our approach to adoption is "If we get our hearts broken, we get our hearts broken."  May God be glorified through our trials and our joy!

On a happy note, here is a picture of me and my little man on Mother's Day!  I was missing Jake that day, but I got lots of hugs and kisses from Jordan and that always helps!

 

Waiting (Part 2)

We are officially waiting on God's timing for Future Baby #2.  We are finished with our homestudy and to the point where every time the phone rings, I lose my breath for a second.  It's a crazy place to be.  It could be tomorrow or months from now, but at some point we will get a phone call that will change our family's lives!  It's a scary place to be.  You never know what will happen, and if we might have our heart's broken.  But I'm so happy that we have a faithful Father who will never give us more than we can handle.  Every day is a day of grace.  Adopting Jordan was worth the risk, and we know that when we get #2, we will be able to look back and see God's perfect timing in our lives and our family. 

Fun With Family!

This week, Blake's older brother and his family have been in Oklahoma.  They live in Seattle, so whenever they come to Okie-land they like to soak as much as they can in.  We've been to the Braum's Farm to take a tour, visited the zoo, ate at Pops, and visited the Round Barn in Arcadia.  We also had family pictures taken and are still anxiously waiting to see them!  Here are some pictures from our time with them:

 

Jordan enjoying the view!

 

The Caped Crusader!

 

The cousins meet again after a long 5 minute car ride apart!

 

Eating at Pops!

 

Zoo time!

 

Riding in style!

 

They let the animals visit the zoo!

 

Fascinated!

 

We still have another week of fun to go.  It's hard to imagine what else we're going to accomplish this week!  The nice thing is that Jordan is so tired that his naps have been very, very long!

 

Jordan's First Birthday!

 

It is hard to believe that our sweet boy is one!  He turned one on Thursday and it was a celebration-filled two days.  On Thursday we spent time with Jordan's friend Brielle and then his great grandparents came by.  The afternoon was topped off by a visit from Aunt Abby!

 

Papa Bill is a baby magnet!

 

Then on Friday night we had a pirate party to celebrate!  The house was rocking with all of the pirates and vagabonds who showed up to party.

 

And Jordan got more toys than he knows what to do with...

 

He got to sample chocolate cake, which wasn't his favorite.

 

He actually preferred the plate!

 

Thanks to everyone for being a part of this special year in our lives!  We're hoping to add a sibling to the crew before too long.  (No news yet, just waiting!)

So Quick to Forget

This week Jordan has been so fussy.  The older he gets, the more it sounds like whining and fussing.  I find myself getting so impatient with him.  He can be playing by himself, perfectly content, and I leave the room for a minute and he gets upset.  It's getting harder and harder to tell if there's a real, physical reason that I can fix with a bottle or a diaper change, or if it's just him going through separation anxiety. 

Yesterday, I found myself getting more and more frustrated with the little guy.  I began speaking to him with my angry voice and saying things like "You're driving me crazy" and "All I want to do is a load of laundry without having to mess with you".  Yikes.  He's not even a year old and I'm already starting to become the angry mom I promised myself I wouldn't be.  It's amazing how quickly I've forgotten how long I waited for the chance to have a little guy tugging on my pants legs, wanting to be held.

I was reminded yesterday while I was changing Jordan's diaper and getting mad at him for fighting me, that a year ago at this time, we were praying for a little boy who was yet to be born and whether or not the Lord had set him aside to be ours.  I had all of the laundry done and my house was clean.  But I didn't have Jordan.  I wasn't a Mommy, which I had dreamed about for so long.  I was just a potential adoptive parent who had no idea what kind of blessings God had in store for me, through a tiny baby boy who was a surprise to everyone except his Creator. 

I'm thankful and humbled that God would choose me to be Jordan's Mom and then very patiently, watch me become ungrateful, and then gently remind me how much a gift having my sweet boy truly is.  Lord, help me to enjoy every minute I have with him, because in the blink of an eye, this time will be gone and I don't want to look back and remember how many loads of laundry I didn't get done and how often I got frustrated with the whining. Help me to take advantage of the opportunities You have given me to snuggle, and tickle, and stack blocks, and read books, and rock, and sing silly songs.  They are all precious little moments and I am truly, truly thankful for them.