Well, a fair warning to anyone considering adoption...it's quite a wild ride...and it's not over for us yet! It all began with the decision to adopt. Then we had to decide who to adopt through. Then, came the paper-work and home study. And FINALLY, we came to the "end"...the waiting.
The first week of waiting was so hard. We had just returned from the Middle East and the thought that we could receive "the phone call" was so overwhelming to me. I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I felt like I couldn't start any routines because we might get a baby. Every time the phone rang, I jumped, thinking it could be "the phone call".
After a week or so, I got a little more settled. After talking to a friend who has adopted, I discovered that I wasn't going crazy. The waiting seemed easier and I began to get excited about our trip to Virginia over Thanksgiving. Then I got "the phone call". It was a different agency asking if we would be willing to adopt an African American little girl. She was due right after our trip from Virginia and of course we said yes! We were so excited, but a little hesitant because we had not been officially picked by the birth mother. The following day, we heard that there was another couple in the picture, so our chances were then 50/50. We had to wait five days until the birthmother's meeting with the agency.
Those five days were unbelieveably hard. It's amazing how in minutes, I would go from so excited to so nervous to so upset. The hardest part of it all was that if we got this baby, my parents were going to come home for Christmas. I had already made my peace with the fact that they were leaving before Christmas, but the thoughts of how wonderful it would be invaded my mind...Christmas with my family & a brand new baby, registering with my mom, baby showers, meeting them at the airport with a little baby girl...it was so hard to remember that this was not reality yet.
Well, the day of the meeting came and the birthmother had to reschedule. The agonizing wait continued. We went to Virginia, which turned out to be a nice distraction. We didn't talk about it too much. The one blessing was that when we said goodbye to my parents, it was a "see you later"...hoping that later was a few weeks away.
Unfortunately, just a couple of days later, we heard that the birthmother decided to parent. I won't say I was crushed. My heart was so sad, though. What seemed like a perfect answer to our prayers turned out to be a disappointment. I'm still not 100% sure why we had to go through that, but I know God had his purposes. It was a difficult couple of days as I grieved the loss of a baby girl who was never mine. It's hard to describe the feeling, but I definately felt sad. I had to come to terms (again!) with my parents leaving and the fact that I would not have a baby at Christmas.
When Blake's dad passed away, I was able to see how it was a blessing that we didn't have a newborn. I would not have been able to be as present as I was during that time if we had a brand new baby.
Funny enough, on Christmas day, about 6:30 in the evening, I received a phone call from my cousin in Arkansas. She informed me that there was a little boy born on Christmas Eve in Little Rock who was a premie and needed a family. Of course I said we would love it, and she said she would give our information to the social worker. Thirty minutes later she called back and said they had found a family. We didn't have time to get our hopes up on that one! It was kind of funny because Blake's sister had gone somewhere, and when she came back we told her that we had gotten a baby and then lost him while she was gone (tongue in cheek!).
I am grateful for the many women I know who have adopted or struggled with infertility. They all say that all of the waiting is so worth it when you hold that baby. I am so excited to experience that for myself. God is good and He reigns on His throne. The difficulties of this waiting season are just that...a season. It will end. I am learning to patiently wait on His timing for our family. It is hard, but such a joyful time, because I know we can trust our Father to provide everything we need.
On a less serious note...after thinking we were going to get a girl, we got so set on that idea. When we heard about the little boy, it blew our minds! We can't imagine having a boy since we got so set on having a little girl! We also have our names picked out, but I'll save that for when we introduce Future Baby to you all...whenever God chooses for that to happen!
