For those of you are not familiar with adoption, there is something you should know. Adoption is risky. There are no guarantees. With our adoption agency, one in five adoptions are disrupted. This means that in some part of the process a birthmom will change her mind or something else will happen that will cause the adoption plan not to fall through. In very rare cases, the adoptive parents will even have the baby at the hospital or take the baby home before the plan is disrupted. It is something that every adopting parent fears, but never thinks will actually happen.
Well, it happened to us. We are those people. The morning Jordan turned 13 months, I was praying that we would get a baby in time for my mom and dad to meet #2 this summer. That afternoon I got a phone call and we had been chosen! We met the birthmom and her one year old son the next day and fell in love with them. We found out it was a boy and began making plans. We chose the name Jake. He was born on April 23rd. Below are the emails we sent to our friends and family throughout the ordeal. I thought that would be a good way to document this whole thing. Plus, expressing my feelings now would ruin the story! :)
Some things to know:
*Jake is the name we gave the baby. He is named something else now, but we will always call him Jake. We named him after a dear friend and feel like the Lord's hand was in the naming process.
*We are doing fine and anxiously awaiting God's gift of our second child.
*I edited the emails some so there is no identifying information.
So, read on...it's long, but worth the story of God's faithfulness!
Sent Wednesday, April 24 at 3:15 AM:
Good early morning! Blake and Jake are sleeping on either side of me. We're in a tiny lactation room that they have let us use since there are no rooms available on this floor. It's not what we imagined, but there are a lot of things that happened today that we did not imagine.
We got the call around noon that Birthmom was headed to the hospital. We showed up, and the adoption specialist sat us down and told us that Birthdad and his mom had been causing trouble and were camped out in the waiting room. We got to go see Birthmom for a few minutes and then left to go get lunch and stay out of the way of the drama. While we were there, the adoption specialist texted and told us she was coming to talk to us.
Basically, what is happening is that Birthdad is claiming that he will contest the adoption. He will be served papers tomorrow or Thursday with a court date and to make a long story short, this adoption has suddenly become risky. We know that all adoptions are risky, but this one kind of took us by surprise. We were the given the option to back out or find transitional care for him until this is resolved. We both felt like it was important for us to be there for Jake. It is very scary to think about taking him home and then having to give him back after a few weeks, but in the end, this is not about us and our feelings, but about this little boy. After all, it is his birthday.
So, we are proceeding as planned and are praying that Birthdad will have a change of heart. We ran into his mom in the hallway and she immediately started chewing us out and the adoption specialist had to ask her to go back to the waiting room. Please pray that the adoption specialist will have an opportunity to talk to Birthdad and explain to him the details of our adoption plan. If we did have to give up Jake, he would go back to Birthmom which we are comfortable with, and is ironic since she wants us to have him. She is not comfortable (and after what we've seen today, neither are we) with Birthdad getting him, so there would probably be a custody battle for Jake. Please pray that this little boy would get to be in a stable home where he is loved.
All of that to say, we are in love already! He is such a sweet baby. He responds really well to touch and he loves having his hair brushed! He's a Lindley man...he eats, burps, and poops very well. He is seven pounds, ten ounces and 20.5 inches long.
Things to pray for:
*Changed hearts so we can just bring him home without us or Birthmom having to worry about the future.
*Wisdom regarding what to do if the adoption is contested. We will fight for this baby if we feel like that is where the Lord leads.
*Peace and joy as we celebrate his little life. We don't want to spend these few weeks in anxiety, but enjoy this new little addition to our family.
*Birthmom as she is grieving Jake not being near her anymore.
*Of course, health for baby and us as we will probably not sleep well until we get home.
Blessings:
*A healthy, sweet baby boy.
*An adoption agency who is so invested in helping us through this time.
*An attorney we will be able to use if we need who has such a heart for adoption. He did Jordan's finalization and his wife made Jordan a blanket and a burp rag!
*Friends who have walked this road before. Our associate pastor and his wife have gone through this and we are so thankful that they can help us with counsel and prayers.
*Nurses who have been so kind to us. There were no beds available, so they shoved a bed in a tiny lactation room and we are making the most of it!
*A heavenly Father who cares about this little boy and our family. God is good and we are thankful that we can trust Him.
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:34
Sent Wed, April 24 at 3:45 PM:
Thank you so much for your prayers. We prayed that the Lord would resolve this quickly and he has. We left Jake with his birthmom at the hospital about an hour and a half ago. Early in the day, we knew that it was a big possibility that we would not have a case against the birthdad. The agency's lawyer reviewed everything and by noon, we knew that God was closing the door for us. It was tough, but to be honest, we knew before then. We took Jake over to his birthmom's room and we witnessed her loving on him. She has a one year old with her current fiancé and they were all there. We felt like God was showing us that this was Jake's family.
Once we knew that he was not ours, we spent some time loving on him and then took him back to birthmom. She is very overwhelmed by this. She really wanted us to adopt him and is struggling, but Jake will be very well cared for. We are very sad and we miss him already, but we know God is bigger than this. He has a baby planned for us who is perfect and He will use this in our lives and we're praying that the nurses and staff and the birth family will be impacted by this as well. We are thankful to be back with Jordan, who is helping make us feel better with hugs and kisses!
So, some things to pray for:
*For birthmom...she was not planning on having a newborn, so please pray that she will be able to handle it well. Pray that birthdad will relent and allow her to parent. Pray that he will not be able to get custody.
*Pray that Jake and his big brother will come to know Christ.
*Pray for our hearts and for those of our family & friends who are grieving this.
*Pray that we will be able to adopt soon and see one of the reasons God had this planned for us.
We got to be Jake's Mommy & Daddy for 18 hours and every second was wonderful. He is a sweet little guy and we are thankful for his little life.
We love all of you so much and covet your prayers!
Sent Thursday, April 25th at 9:15 AM:
Good Morning,
Our hearts are hurting this morning but we know that God's word is true: Every day is a gift from him and He has promised to heal broken hearts and give us the desires of our hearts. He will give us a child and He has given us a way to bless Jake and his family, thanks to the giving hearts of my sweet family and friends. Here is what we are thinking:
I talked to the adoption specialist this morning and she shared their immediate physical needs with me. We as a family are going to take them some diapers, formula, and a baby bath today. What we would like to do is gather money, goods, cards, gifts...whatever you feel led to give and take them up there next week, or the week after. I love the idea of showering them with love. It will be such a blessing to the Birthmom to know that these gifts are from friends & family of ours. It will help her know that we love her and have no bad feelings towards her. So, if you have something to give, you can get it to us in person or mail them to us.
Whatever we receive, we will pass on and I'm excited to see what God will do with this.
We chose the name Jake, because we wanted to name him after a good friend we had the privilege of serving with overseas. He always challenged us by his servant's heart towards people and we consider him to be very dear to us. Baby Jake will always have a special place in our hearts and we are thankful we could name him for Jake. My first time we ever pulled up in a village, Jake gave us his "OK, people, let's be salt & light" pep talk. I still think of that when I have a chance to minister to people. It is very fitting that Baby Jake was named this way because we are praying that though this situation we can be "salt & light" to his family and to the nurses & staff who witnessed our grief and attempts to honor the Lord with this. We are thankful.
We love all of you!
Sent Tuesday, April 30 at 11:15 PM:
Good Evening,
I have been putting off sending this email, because I was hoping that I would know more details about what has been going on with Baby Jake. Unfortunately, it is looking like I will not get to know more about him, at least for the foreseeable future.
On Saturday, I got a call from the adoption specialist who was letting me know that Jake is no longer with his birthmom. She wanted me to know so I would stop collecting gifts for her. Because of confidentiality regulations, she could only tell me that he is not with her and that he is safe. She was going to try to get permission to share with us what has happened and where Jake is, but she has not been able to get ahold of birthmom. This was very difficult news for us for a couple of reasons.
First, we were really excited about all of the baby goods we had been able to gather. If you have given us diapers/formula, or any other generic baby items, I will take them to Eden Clinic, a pregnancy resource center where I am a volunteer. They will go to help mothers who are in need. If you gave me a gift card, would you let me know if you want me to donate it to Eden Clinic, or if you want me to send it back to you? If I don't hear from you, I'll pass it on to Eden.
Second, and far more importantly, we are having to trust the Lord with Jake's well-being. It was easier to deal with this situation when we knew where he was. Any guessing on our part on where he is and how he got there is speculation. I feel like Moses' mom...having to send him off and trust that he will end up where he will be well-cared for and loved. I know that God is in control, and am trying to come to terms with my unexpected role in Jake's life. I have gone from being his mom to having no ability to help him in any way, except for lifting him up to the Lord. I am having to "Be still, and know that I am God". Not easy. But I am trying to take every thought captive and turn my worry for Jake into prayers. A friend today told me what a foster mother once told her...that every child deserves to have someone love him and pray for him, even if it is for a short time. I am thankful that I can do that for Jake.
Here are some specific things you can be lifting up for us:
1. Please pray for Baby Jake. Please ask for protection and that he will land in a home where is well-cared for and loved. Pray that he will hear the Gospel and learn to follow the Lord.
2. Pray for me. Blake is doing well, but my heart is still sad. Pray that I will trust in God's plan and lean not on my own understanding.
3. Pray for our adoption plan. Starting tomorrow, we will be available again. It could happen fast, so please pray that the Lord will connect us with the baby he has chosen for our family. It is very strange to be at this point again, but we are looking forward to being able to bring a second baby into our home. Jordan is ready to be a big brother!
Thank you so much for your love and support through this time. We love you all!
Sent Thursday, May 2 at 4:45 PM:
I have an update on baby Jake and it is wild and a HUGE praise! He will not be coming home to us, but we are full of peace and joy about what has happened today:
The adoption specialist just called to tell me all of the details of what has been going on. Originally, birthdad had told birthmom that they would work together. She took him home and the next day, he served her with custody papers. She gave him up to him because she couldn't afford an attorney (and had just given birth, had an adoption plan fall through, etc.) He took Jake and for the next few days did not allow her to visit. It was a really bad situation and it seems that they were using Jake as a pawn.
I can't even begin to express how thrilled we are about this. God is so good and Birthmom wants to thank everyone for praying. She recognizes God's hand in all of this. Please pray for this family's salvation.
We are now able to proceed with showering them with diapers, formula, and other gifts! I didn't take the stuff up to Eden yesterday because I didn't feel a peace about it. I have it already to go up there tomorrow!
Did I mention that God is so good and He answers prayer? :)
So, that is Jake's story. Crazy, huh? We are thankful that God can use us in this little boy's life and we pray for him constantly. We're not afraid of future adoptions because we know that God's hand is on our family and on the babies we are privileged to bring into our home...and those we only get to know for a few hours.
The morning that Jake was born, I was at a Bible study and we were talking through Esther 4. In it, Queen Esther decides to risk her life to save her people and as she puts it "If I perish, I perish." When I was thinking through this experience, I feel like the Lord has been showing me over and over that adoption is about families, but it is about the Gospel and the children who need homes. So, our approach to adoption is "If we get our hearts broken, we get our hearts broken." May God be glorified through our trials and our joy!
On a happy note, here is a picture of me and my little man on Mother's Day! I was missing Jake that day, but I got lots of hugs and kisses from Jordan and that always helps!
