He Gives and Takes Away

Most of you probably know that Blake's dad passed away on December 14th. I am writing this post to detail how things happened for your sake, and so I can keep a record of how I saw God working during that very difficult couple of days. (It's really long...sorry!)


Jack was scheduled to get his results of a stress test on Monday the 12th. He checked into the hospital and they began running tests. This part of the story is a little hazy for me because it's based on phone calls I got from Blake who was at the hospital with his mom. Throughout that evening, he was having chest pains and they went in three times to put in stints and check for blockage. He had no blockage so they discovered that the pain he was having came from his arteries spasming. During one of the surgeries, he had a small heart attack, but it wasn't too much of a concern. Blake spent the night at the hospital, but came home in the morning and went to work. As far as everyone knew, Jack was stable and they were keeping on eye on him to make sure the spasming started. (Niether Blake or I are medically astute, so if the details aren't right, I'm sorry!)


At 1:30 pm, he had a massive heart attack. Blake had just laid down for a nap and came running out of the room and said "My dad's had a heart attack" and ran to the car. I blew out the candle and grabbed my purse and coat. Blake had no coat and I had my houseshoes on, but there was no time to go back home. We sped all the way to the hospital, about 20 minutes away. The whole time I was praying that the Lord would keep us from getting pulled over. I began texting to have the word spread to pray. We had no idea how serious it was, but we got a call from Kevin (Blake's sister's husband) that he was conscious and stable and going back into surgery.


When we got to the hospital, we found his mom and the chaplain sitting in the waiting room. She just started bawling. She had been in there with him, doing a crossword puzzle, and heard a beeping sound down the hall and barely had time to get out of the room before the team came in and started working on him. His heart had completely stopped and they were able to bring him back, but we knew it was serious.


The doctor came in about 30 minutes after we got there and explained to us that Jack had a disorder that left his arteries weak so that every time they put a stint in or send a wire in, they would shred and collapse. The doctor was very frustrated and said that the only option at that point was to do bypass surgery. Thankfully, Blake and his mom and sister were able to go back and see Jack before he went into surgery. They were able to tell him they loved him and talk to him and he was able to respond to them. It was a short time, but the Lord gave them such a gift to be able to love on him while he was alert.


Right before surgery, his heart stopped again. At that point, it began to hit Blake and I that things were not going to end well. Of course, we still hoped, but I think the Lord began preparing our hearts for what was coming. They got his heart going again and did the surgery, but when they tried to take him off of the bypass machine, his heart wouldn't handle it. They put him back on the machine and came to talk to the family.


During this whole time, the waiting room was filled with family and friends. We were so blessed that our dear friends Tristan and Gayla came up to spend time with us. They brought us our laptop, phone chargers, and a couple of hoodies, so Blake didn't freeze to death. It was good to talk to them and they were so wonderful. They were blessed to have gone to the Middle East with Blake, Jack, and myself, so they were well-acquainted with how great Jack was! Our friend Gary also came up and spent time with us before he went to the airport to get Blake's brother.


At some point, the surgeon took Blake and his mom back to make some decisions. He told them that things were very bleak, but they had one more shot to get Jack back. The final option was to put a pump in to do the work for his heart to see if his heart could recover enough to start working on it's own again. They knew it was a long shot, but they felt like they had to try it. The main reason was to keep Jack going until Justin (Blake's older brother) could fly in from Seattle. His flight was scheduled to land at 11:30 pm, a couple of hours away. They did the surgery and then moved Jack to ICU, on the second floor.


Once they moved him the ICU team worked on him constantly for two hours. They were pouring sweat and working so hard. We have no doubt that everything possible was done to try to get Jack back. We were allowed into the room with him two at a time. The team worked around whoever was in there. I was so proud of Megan (Blake's sister) during that time. Earlier she had been so upset and inconsolable. But I belive God gave her the strength she needed to be there for her dad. She spent a good portion of that time stroking his hair and holding his hand. She did such a great job. Blake and his mom spent some time in there too.


Finally Justin and his (almost) two year-old son Charlie got there. The family that was with us at the hospital were amazing. They took over and little Charlie had 5 baby-sitters so Justin could be there with his dad and the rest of us. Unfortunately, Justin's wife was not able to get away from work, so she was not able to be there.


Not too long after Justin arrived, we talked to the doctor and she basically said that Jack was not coming back. They could keep him alive for as long as we wanted to go, but it was only machines at that point. It was a very surreal experience to be in that position, but everyone was in agreement that it was time to let him go.


The next two hours were excruciating. Blake's mom held Jack's hand for the entire time and was loving on him and talking to him. It was heart-breaking and yet such a sweet reminder of the love between a husband and a wife. Blake and I, Kevin and Megan, and Justin were also in there with them. We watched his vitals drop little by little and for the most part were alone with him except for the occaisional medical personnel. I don't know about the others, but I feel like the Lord was there with us. Of course we were crying. Of course we were in shock, but I know the Lord was filling my head with Scripture. I was praying desperately for my husband and for my other family in there...for peace and comfort.


At about 3:30 that morning, Jack's heart stopped. It was very quiet and then Blake started praying. I was so proud and stunned. He hadn't said much the whole evening, but he was not only praying, he started praising God in song. We all sang "I Love You Lord" together and then one-by-one said goodbye to Jack and left. It was very strange to walk down that hallway. I remember carrying a pair of shoes and just thinking, "Did that just happened?"


I took Blake straight home. The one thing I remember him saying was that he felt so bad for his dad because he was scared. I think Jack had a sense of how things would go and that was bothering Blake. I just prayed that the Lord would give Blake comfort.


The next morning I woke up and just bawled for an hour. My heart was broken and I couldn't imagine how Blake and his siblings and mom must have been feeling. I was dreading Blake waking up because I was afraid of how sad he would be. I heard him get up and I ran in there to hug him and he had a big smile on his face. He said that the Lord had given him so much peace and joy. That was the attitude he had over the next couple of days. He cried, but he talked alot about his dad and great he was. What a blessing to have a dad who loved his wife and kids so much! I'm so grateful for the way Blake handled it. He definately grieved, but he rejoiced as well. He was such an encouragement to everyone he talked to.


The next few days were a complete blur. We talked on the phone, cleaned the house, welcomed visitors, took care of funeral arrangements, and comforted each other. We ate when we could, slept when we could, and tried to be there to support Blake's mom as much as we could. For Blake and I, the love we felt from the body of Christ was overwhelming!


One of the things that made me have a breakdown, was that when we got home from the hospital, a shutterfly book that I had made Jack had arrived. I was so excited to give it to him! Usually he is the hardest one for me to buy for at Christmas, but since we had just gotten back from the Middle East, I knew a picture book about our time would be perfect. I put alot of love in that book, and even though he never saw it, it was passed around and all of his family got to see his pictures from the trip!


(In the midst of all of this, my parents hopped on a plane and flew to North Africa! We went from 4 parents to 1 in the course of a week. The feeling that our lives were changing was completely overwhelming.)


The funeral was on Saturday. I took on the two slideshows for the funeral. The first was pictures of Jack throughout his life. The second was near and dear to me because I had started it before Jack died. He was supposed to share at his church about the trip to the Middle East that Sunday! I had already decided I would finish the slideshow, but Carol, Sr. (my mother-in-law) wanted to show it at the funeral and we all heartedly agreed. Jack was so blessed by that trip and was so excited to share about what God is doing around the world. It was such a blessing to share what he wanted to share through the video. He not only shared his message with his church family, but with every friend and family member that came to his funeral! (I am posting the video below).


The funeral could not have gone better. The slideshows and music were perfect. Blake shared about his dead and we all laughed more than we thought we would! Of course, there were tears, but the Lord was honored through the funeral. We could not ask for more!


OK, so some of the blessings we talked about over those few days:


*Jack had his heart attack at the heart hospital. If it had happened anywhere else (and it could have - maybe in Jordan?) it would have been horrible and traumatic. This allowed the whole family to be with him.


*Two weeks before he died, we had a surprise party for his 60th birthday. It was a very sweet time to love on him and we all are so glad that we had that time together...and we got family pictures!


*The trip to Jordan was so special. For me, it gave Jack and I a chance to build our relationship. Both of us are on the quiet side, so it was such a blessing to spend so much time together. And, to see the depth of his faith was such an encouragement to me.


*The body of Christ. What would we have done without all of you??


These past few weeks have been so hard, but the Lord has sustained us. Please continue to pray for us as we walk through this. Pray especially for Carol, Sr, because she is learning how to live her life without Jack after 34 years. I can't imagine, but I see so much faith in the Lord in her.